Tragic leads to Trial

Starting by saying that I have a headache because I cried myself silly this evening and penning this is hard. Guess I want to accept that somedays you can feel how I felt today and then it is okay. As someone rightly said to me, it is temporary. I am already a bit better and the only reminder of that bad feeling is this headache.

While I accept how I felt, I also need to accept why I felt it. One of the biggest things I am insecure about is the way I shop. I am not good at it, I am lazy and also very concious about what I choose. I am lucky to have a partner who likes to shop and helps me with it. However, today I went shopping for something big with my mom. My mom loves me in everything so I wanted my friends to come with me but it was too last minute and it just did not work out. Anyway, I wanted their yes for what I was shopping before finalizing. I sent them the pictures and wrapped up in my insecurity I forgot that they can be held up and busy too. When I did not get the validation I was seeking to calm my insecurity, I felt let down. Now, I am happy I conveyed this to them and it was sorted out but not proud of how quickly my brain reacted to their absence. I have realized how I could have communicated in a much kinder way and also been kind to myself by not jumping to conclusions. I cried for hours only to realize how silly and baseless my thoughts were.

When we are insecure, we forget to apply one basic rule, “you are loved”. You know how Dumbledore says “if only one remembers to turn on the light”, that’s what we need the most. While I am saying it so easily, hoping for this light when wrapped in that gnawing and nagging feeling is the hardest thing. But then, the most human thing to do is to try and I shall try!

Where is my discount?

This post is about something I have learned only sometime ago (probably thanks to the man I am dating) and want to share it, as it might help others.

When we shop, we look for great deals, amazing discounts, bulk offers etc etc. A sale makes me as happy as the next person. But even otherwise, when you shop from a brand and there is no available discount you either buy the product as is or don’t. You don’t insist on a discount. Why? It’s a “brand” and that is not how it works. Meaning, we pay them as much as they demand. All of our bargaining and discount skills are instead used when we shop from small local vendors or in vegetable market. We demand price be reduced from people who probably earn less than us, all the while paying in full (very happily) to people who are already rich. Do you see the error in our ways? I am in no way suggesting that those small stores are not putting a huge margin, they expect us to bargain and they have the cost added up to it. We all know that. However, we also know the fair cost and sometimes (just for the kick) we argue for a further reduction. I, personally, am guilty of insisting on getting a better deal on an already nice offer. What’s worse? All this with people who barely make minimum wage, I did not know better and I do now. I believe it is okay to pay 100-200 bucks more to people. It mighy make a huge difference to them, even when the product is not actually worth that much. Be kind, the feeling makes up for the small cost.

The last part of this post will be something which is very obvious, this is not a personal learning but just a mention that this should not be done. There are many small business who are literally a team of two or three and sometimes even one person who is putting in all the efforts, to help you with end product of your choice. This could be a retail product or service that they provide. Their work needs appreciation as it is very tiring and self made. When you are considering dealing with such businesses, do not ghost them. You don’t want it, you must communicate and leave. It makes no sense to give them the notion of being interested and then ghosting them. Evil!

Be kind, tip big, don’t bargain to the point where it is silly and communicate your intentions. It is not that difficult.