It’s month end!!

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Before I dive into the topic, I have to say what I keep saying “adulting is so hard”. Where is the pause button on this adulting business? Need one everytime I have to plan my finances. I am not a big spender so not like I have to control anything but adulting, in general, is expensive. Feel me yet?

I want to start with a very happy and cherished memory. I am very close to my grandma, like very. My mom worked as a teacher (she is now retired) so I was brought up by my grand mom too. I anyway think my mom is a super mom because I never ever felt like she was not there at any point in my childhood. But, my mom is not a gossiper! She hates being nosy and always allowed me to share what I wanted. This was not the case with my grandma. She wanted all details, which friend is doing what, who said what to whom. Everything. So naturally, I shared a lot with her. I still do. As a retired RO herself, once she is done with newspaper and daily tv, she still needs real life gossip. So yes, since I was so close to my grandmom, when I grew old enough to get pocket money, it was she who I asked. As she was aware of where I might spend it, it was easy to ask her. Not that my dad would have asked me where I am spending, he is a big spender himself so would have been easier to ask him. Anyway, so considering the free yet disciplined upbringing I had, grandma decided I’d get 1000 bucks to start with. I was really small and really had no use except for buying presents for someone I love. So, I started to save it apart from general expense or if I went on any outing. No one asked me to save it, I did that on my own. I remember my grandma teasing me that since I have saved it, there is no need for more money until that’s spent and me crying to mom, announcing how it was unfair. Words like “it’s my right to receive” were used. It made everyone laugh and obviously the money kept coming in. It increased as I went to college and soon after college, I got my first job. My dear old grandma suggested that now she does not need to pay me, to say I was heartbroken is an understatement. Sure, I will earn but how can she stop giving me the pocket money? It had a sentimental value for me. I think she must have seen how hurt I was when my face fell so she said she will continue. I was happy again. Even though I was earning, I don’t think I understood adulting. All the bills at home, even my rail pass (since he got his own, he used to get mine too) was something my parents were taking care of. All I did was bought occasional gifts or ordered monthly ration for home. That too sometimes. Pocket money continued. It has only stopped sometime ago as my grandma said, “you need to give me pocket money now”. Like she would ever need my money! Even now, on birthdays, festivals and just like that too sometimes, they gift me in cash. I never say no, I love getting that. As I said, it has a sentimental value for me. From getting phone from parents to buying phone got them, the roles reversed. But what has not changed is that they are older to me so I still must get gifts from them (being the youngest in the house)!

Cut to now, when I am almost adulting (not really still). Paying all bills, get groceries, it’s all clear on what being independent actually means. When you sit at month end or start to manage the finances, it is a big task. Also the one I really hate. As I said, I like saving. So even checking the options on where to save is so tedious and needs such constant monitoring. Earlier my mom did all the bank work for me, even when I insisted she let me. She said she has more time than me so it’s only logical she helped me, it was true too. I hate monitoring markets, I have a agent who does so for me. I wish there was an agent to manage the bills too! I am already dreading the next salary credit because I will need to sort what goes where!

What’s your idea of financial independence and do you like managing your finances? Looking for tips!

Why do you write?

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I have read a couple of posts here in past week where people are talking about what motivates them to write and what’s their idea behind it. Reading those got me thinking, why do I write? To my surprise, there is no easy answer other than one obvious one. I enjoy it. I enjoy putting down words, I don’t necessarily think I am a good writer but on rare occasions I do get words on my notepad or phone pad and they seem to make a beautiful sync, it makes me happy. So happy. Words are beautiful and they have magic and power. They can take you places, they can make you feel, they are powerful to bring a change and to be able to sometimes succeed in doing that in even a small way, what a win! What a feeling! It more or else feels like writing has become a part of my existence! When I am sad, it is therapeutic. When I am happy, it is the best form of celebration. When I am angry, it is an outlet I am most thankful for. When I feel nothing, numb, I read something and if nothing atleast the peace envelopes my head. Even when you are journaling, it has been identified to have so many benefits. So it’s not just about people, writing is how you communicate with yourself. When you start writing for yourself, you can come across thoughts you did not know were buried inside you. It’s like a healing process for yourself and also a form of self love. That’s not it, I have used my writing to voice my opinions on matters so many don’t talk about. Politics, bullying, abuse, sexual offenders, feminism. It does not sit well with everyone but writing gives you to medium to broadcast your opinions. You never know who will read what you write and it might end up helping that one person who could relate. It’s the best thing ever, when something you write inspires someone or they relate to it or it is something they learn from. I have been on the other end of being inspired, relating and learning so many times. I believe in writing and it’s transforming ability with all my might.

I am sure you all would have your own reasons and beliefs which make you write and share, do tell me about them?

If we spoke our truth!

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I am sure we have all mused about the fact that what would happen if we all spoke in complete honesty and discussed our raw thoughts. No filter. No sugar coating. Thoughts as they came. Would it be good or bad? I am sure it would be both in some ways. However, for all the times I have wondered whether what is being said to me is exactly what the person means, I’d really prefer raw thoughts. If truth ends up being harsh, it would hurt and I’d cry too maybe but I’d rather be hurt with truth than be pacified by a lie. I feel too much and I feel strongly so being hurt is not a new feeling. I’ll take my chances. Honesty is powerful. If you can leave somethings unsaid, that is fine. The only point I am making is whatever you say should be honest. If you think about it, honesty does not have to coincide with being rude. You can be honest in a non hurtful way as well, it takes efforts which most people would rather not put. I, personally, cannot bring myself to bring someone down or hurt them. My way of being honest is to tell them what I think (when it is something bad) in a constructive way along with what is nice and keep them motivated to try again.

Apart from being honest when asked something, we should also be honest about the general things we talk. When someone who cares asks us how we are, why do we respond saying something casual and not actually talk about how we are? Why are we scared of our actual thoughts and feelings? Let me start. If you asked me right now, how I am and you’d want my honest answer. I’d tell you, I am not okay. I am worried that I am being a bad daughter and neglecting my parents. They deserve so much better and so much more. I have the most non complaining parents who get happy with minimal efforts and sometimes I just do bare minimum and they are happy. I try to compensate but I hate myself when I don’t give them what they deserve. I have been meaning to do something big for my partner’s upcoming birthday but I have not yet figured it out completely. I am missing my best friends who I usually discuss these things with and they are all caught up in fighting their own fights at the moment and I cannot bring myself to bother them about this. I am super overworked and I want to tell my superiors that the allocation is just not fair at the moment but I am scared of that conversation. I have a strong feeling since months now that I am always there for people but when I need someone, I am usually alone mostly because I cannot demand that from people and I have not shared this with anyone. I just want to be alone for a couple of days, without anyone to talk to (unless I want to).

I am not okay and that’s okay but what’s not okay is that no one knows I am not okay. Your turn, how are you?

Upside of the lockdown!

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Firstly, thank you to amazing people who wished me well on my last post and I do feel so much better today. We still have a bit of bodyache and maybe I will share my experience in detail if I feel it might help someone. For today, I want to look at the positive side of this horrible virus because that’s how we feel better. Isn’t the first step to feeling better wanting to feel better? πŸ™‚

So, I was just thinking about what is going on in my life generally and where do I stand (I am not someone who does this very often) and I just thought about how much has changed since March 2020! Life was a whole lot different and honestly I do want that life back, mainly for how carefree we were. I guess this is something everyone of us has gone through at some point since 2020. So let me talk about the positives, what changed for better?

1) I got to see so many sunsets!

If you know me, you would know my love for sunset and sunrise. Before lockdown, I was always working during the time of sunset and on weekends I was either out or sleeping. Thanks to lockdown, I saw so many sunsets and the sky changed to every beautiful color I can imagine πŸ™‚ will always be grateful for this one.

2) I tried to cook!

My mom never really forced me to do anything all my life. She is my big supporter who wants me to do what makes me happy and cooking never makes me happy. Eating food makes me happy and I hardly eat if I cook. However, during lockdown we realized how everyone needs to know basic cooking to be self sufficient. I do enjoy occasional cooking and learnt so much of it in lockdown. Yep, I also tried that trending banana bread.

3) Danced alone to my heart’s content!

I love dancing. I am no pro, just your regular club dance crowd that goes wild on bollywood. Lockdown took away the luxury to dance in club so I decided to turn my room into a club! With just the night light on to give the led effect, I used to dance alone (almost) every Friday night to commemorate the start of weekend and it made me feel so relaxed and happy.

4) Learnt that I was capable of being in a long distance relationship!

This one might seem funny. My boyfriend and I are both from Bombay but we met every weekend and sometimes on weekdays too. For me to know a person just texts are NOT enough and I am not a call person, at all. I cannot be with someone whom I cannot spend my time with, it just would not make sense. Yet, when put to test we did manage it and that still shocks me!

5) I (tried) to organize my room!

I am a lazy person when it comes to organizing but I was so bored that I ended up doing that too! Well, I tried. My mom and grandma were so happy, that really made this worth it. I do want to inculcate this habit of organizing into my daily life. I am pretty good at it, only I don’t do it much!

6) Learnt it is OKAY to not do anything!

With so many people wanting to be productive, trying to achieve all sorts of lockdown goals I was just concentrating on what makes me happy. It took me a long time to be okay with not being productive 100% of time. Doing nothing is fun if it makes you happy and it is absolutely okay. Anyone who judges you for it is a terrible person.

7) Started this blog!

While writing has always been my happy place, my go to, I had stopped blogging. Lockdown got me back to it and also made me start the 100 day writing challenge!!! It has made me happy and keeps me on my toes. I always have something to look forward to. Writing is now a part of my routine and I really enjoy it.

Hah! So not a bad lockdown eh?! I can understand if productivity is different to different people but for me the lockdown has been good. Ofcourse I had down days, mental breakdowns, crying for no reason. I struggled. What’s important is that I got back up and took the new day as a new start. Someday, I will talk about the struggles I faced too. For today, let’s be happy with the good side of it.

What was your positive from this lockdown?

About the fun people I have met!

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Today I plan to write about three amazing humans I met on my trips around India. They all are still and will always be in my thoughts, even though I cannot reach out to them.

Braveheart!

She works part time as a guide for Kumbhalgarh fort and knows more about it’s rich culture than we do. She was just 12 when she met me, aces at what she does, competes with people twice her age and still manages it all with an infectious smile. She goes to school, helps her mom, loves clicking pictures and snapchat is her favorite app. She is not privileged and yet there were no complaints from her, while we are so privileged but we cannot stop cribbing. There is so much to learn from this little bundle of joy ⭐. If you are able to read this, know that you are privileged and let’s not be defensive about it the next time someone points it out 🌸

Love in a picture

Meet Laaki, a police officer working for Gangtok Police. I met her at a restaurant in Lachen where she was taking a break after a day full of duty. She has a small son and he is all she ever spoke about. That and how much she missed him when she had to be on duty. She practically showed me every picture of her son available in her phone, each with a fond memory. Her husband looks after the kid when she has to be on duty and she said it’s quite natural that he’d do it as that’s what she’d do, had the case been reversed. I don’t think she realizes how amazing her attitude is. She has seven sisters (yep, I made the north east seven sister joke too) and all of them are independent. More power to people like her 🌸. BTW, at karaoke and drinks, she’ll put you to shame πŸ’―

Fluffball

“Why do you need one day to celebrate womanhood? Women are great everyday” they say.
“Why leave even one chance to praise the amazing women we know?” I say.

Today is nothing special, but still felt like stepping away from my usual posts and sharing the picture of this cute girl I met at a monastery in Sikkim. She is really the reason I decided to do this entire post. She is a tiny human who couldn’t understand my language or interact much but was a curious soul guiding/protecting/teaching her little brother all the time. Oh, how she climbed a rough terrain with ease made me rethink my life choices for real 🌸🌸 Isn’t she the cutest fluffball? ⭐

Thank you for reading, leave me with a story in comment. Story of a person you randomly met and found them amazing. Allow me to relive the experience with you πŸ™‚