Walking into the new year!

Even if you are a remotely optimistic person, new year brings in hopes. Very hard not to fall for new beginnings, plan stuff, get organized and make the list to, somewhat, direct your life or year towards things you love. I try that each year, not very hard, but I try. This year, I am a little more motivated and enthusiastic towards it. I have a few targets in mind for this year. While some people like to talk about targets, visualize goals and put it out there, I am someone who likes to talk about things after they are done. Weird? Maybe. But it is what it is.

Why write this post if I am not going to visualize or spell it out? Because it has been almost two months and I am not entirely failing. I am happy about it. I am not succeeding yet but hey, small wins. Gotta enjoy them. So, I want document this trivial achievement of me not giving up. Things that have really kept me going are

• Setting smaller goals
• Showing love to myself and my body
• Taking it slow
• Trying to get into a routine

Even though I cannot talk about my goals, I have the perfect way to still track them and that is through the Belief jar. On my birthday in Jan end, I received a belief jar as a gift and I was SO happy. It is the cutest thing and came to me at the right time. I am going to manifest the things I want and that jar is going to be my source of happiness, positivity and motivation. I am completely surprised how much in love I am with it and how did my best friend know that it is what I needed.

Here’s hoping I will do complete justice to it and enjoy the process!

Aiming for hope!

Last three days have been crazy busy. I have either been planning my activities for next week or worrying that nothing will work out. Crazy!!!! I really have no clue where this post will take me but I just want to talk about what happens when you procrastinate and it is not because of yourself!!!

I am a person who likes things planned and in place well in advance. My advance is a bit too much, I agree but it harms no one. Call me proactive, call me weirdo or call me a monster, I need things planned. When I was thinking more on why do I like that, I was also confused if we can call this behavior as “being a control freak”. Control freak? I hope not. My need for having things planned is to calm my nerves and anxiety that something could go wrong. It sucks, living like this. I can plan things which are in my control, which don’t involve someone else. How do I do this for an activity that involves other people? Not everyone feels the same way, some people decide it right at last moment, some a little in advance (i am jealous of the balance this group has) and some just don’t decide. How do I work around that? It sucks. Sadly, the trouble does not end there. I am also skeptical about thinking too much or discussing too much about it. Even that makes me nervous. So is there anything left which does not make me nervous? Penning this is making me realize I am a freak-show (hehe).

So, I had stopped penning down at that point and I am resuming again after some hours. I read it again and my view on myself (lol) is that I am this anxious because the things I am planning for mean too much to me and have the power to hurt me a lot. My anxiety is peaked because this matters the most. I need it to be right. Nervousness is bound to happen right? However, I need to do my best and then hope that things will fall in place. All this worrying sucks and makes me a wrecking ball. I want to have a clear head where I am enjoying the process rather than worrying about it. Starting now, I will try to make everything I do fun and a turn it into a good memory. Too many people I love care about this as much as me and they wish the best for me, I will remember this when I worry next.

PS: If you know someone who likes planning things in advance, please help them in every way you can. It means the world to them (and me).

Walk The Talk!

As someone who has started and failed a lot at getting fit, I am very happy to announce that I AM TRYING AGAIN! I am a bit ashamed at my earlier attempts but I am excited that I am still trying!!! Okay maybe let’s not say I have failed at earlier attempts but I have definitely slacked. When we could go outside (who even remembers how that feels) and I used to commute for my job, I did not need to conciously work on keeping my body active. I guess this is the same story for majority of us. Lockdown and my feeble attempts have made one thing clear though, I WANT TO STAY FIT. My definition of fit might be timid but ya I want to be fit as per me.

So, for this attempt, I am planning to start slow. I will start by walking and my initial 3 day target is 3k steps a day. I gradually plan to take this to 10k a day and then include some more small exercises. Exercising without a standard goal that I can see visibly being achieved has not worked for me, so I have decided to use Google Fit and track my work. I was so ecstatic when I realized my target for today has been achieved and it was genuinely very easy. Like I was not tired, infact I wanted to do more. Maybe because I was motivated? Whatever the reason, I am very happy. It drastically made my day better. But then, we are in lockdown and I know that I could be a mental mess tomorrow and not do anything. That is the reason I am posting this, to remind myself that I have made a commitment and I need to keep it. Here’s to hoping I do keep it.

Just thought of something that seems funny to me, I always keep the commitments I make to others and not when I have made a commitment to myself. Guess I got to change that.

Also, let me know if there is a better app to track this? Also, what more can I include which is not overwhelming but still helps?