Momentary lapse!


It only makes sense that I write about the trip I am at and what all I did today and I was going to, but unfortunately something so shocking just happened right in front of my eyes that I cannot possibly think about my day. We were having our dinner and there was also this other group at the hotel, dining besides us. It was a huge group with adults and kids, talking and eating. All normal things you’d expect at a resorts restaurant, ladies were talking and kids were running around and playing with torches. Suddenly, we saw someone from their table run across our table and towards the stairs. After that we heard people shouting and running, to get out of the dining room. I thought a snake or some animal has come in because we were near to the beach so I stood up and went towards the group to ask what is wrong, in the meanwhile I saw a lady shout one name, again and again, and she dashed towards the stairs. It was then we got to know that one of the kids has fallen down from the dining area which was almost at 25 feet. I rushed towards the corner where he fell and asked all other kids to move aside so they are safe. From top, I could see the kid lying on the grass. There was no noise from the kid, not during the fall, neither after it. I was really scared. I saw his mom and dad reach him, his mom calling his name the entire time she was running. When he was picked from the floor by his dad, only then did start crying. He was probably silent due to the shock from the fall. I was so relieved to hear him cry, I cannot express. His mouth had cuts and his parents are doctors so they were checking him, local hospital was called to inform a kid will be brought in and in sometime they took him away. During the time they were checking him, he did not stop crying for even one minute and my heart was sinking more and more at the delay they were doing taking him to the hospital. Finally, they did leave and now we will know the update on his health in morning. There was a huge tree which obstructed the direct fall and also he fell on the grass side instead of cement, so we are hoping he is alright except for some minor injuries.

Once we left the dining room, we asked the manager on what exactly happened. None of the adults saw what happened but one kid did. In this chaos of dinner what no one noticed was how this 4 or 5 year old kid, who was also playing with a torch, had moved towards the parapet while playing. The torch rolled a little towards the edge of the parapet and the kid got on the parapet to hold the torch, instead of getting a hold of it he ended up rolling it to the edge and the torch fell. The kid probably did not realize there is no wall and in his reach for the torch, also fell. Sounds like fiction, I wish it was.

What has stuck with me in all this is, how the mom must have realized the kid is not crying after the fall and those few minutes where she realized her kid was missing and until he cried must have been so darn hard. Each second seeming like an eternity, with the fate of the most precious part of her life unknown. No one should have to face that. To me, a complete stranger, it was such a sad and traumatic experience. I cannot imagine what she felt, I don’t even want to. It seemed like the worst experience one can get as a parent, not sure if I would ever want to be one after what happened.

Mommy blues!

Getting married is suppose to be a huge thing, but it is huge in different ways for different people. No matter who tells you how HUGE this step is, you decide your huge. The step is most impactful and life changing for the couple and their immediate family. Others are just making noise, either because they are happy or just because it is a norm.

I have been putting off discussing how huge or HUGE it has been for me. This post has been written maybe a month ago or more? Like when I was not married. I never could post it because it would have made what was happeneing too real and I din want that, I guess?

So, when did it hit me that I am taking this life-altering, painful yet happy step? It was one fine morning, maybe a month before wedding, when something happened which happens daily but that morning it hit me hard that it won’t happen after my marriage and oh my god, I hated that feeling. It sank my stomach, welled up my eyes and just made me chuck the whole thing, I mean the marriage. What exactly happened that morning you would ask? So, we have two bathrooms at my house. One is the common one and one is attached to my room (yep, pampered). So to avoid morning rush where mom and dad both are getting ready, my mom usually uses my bathroom. Daily, after taking the bath before exiting the room, my mom pauses besides my bed and runs her hands over my head, while I am sleeping. Praying for me, showering love and just simply being a mom. Now, I didn’t feel this daily because somedays I slept too deep to wake up from touch but on the days that I did feel it, I don’t think I have ever felt more loved in any other moments of my life. I know, I know, mom’s love cannot be compared and all that but to have that feeling hit you one month before marriage and to realize you will not feel this after you leave? H-EFFING-UGE!!!!!! Ever since that, while I penned my feelings, while I thought about it, while I imagined what it would be like being married, I just felt like bawling my eyes out!!! Nothing prepares you for this, no matter how much you know or how strong you are, to realize that you will not have a constant touch of your mom. It is a terrible realization.

I know this seems cruel and sad but for what it is worth, now when I have made the move I like living with the guy I love and we are building a new life together. So there is that to look forward to. Does not make up for that lost feeling, nothing would make up for that.