It always comes back!

Does everyone have that one memory/incident, or multiple even, the one we never talk about? It can’t just be me. It is a bad memory. Sometimes, I want to talk about it hoping that would make it go away, like it almost makes it’s way out but something holds me back from sharing. At other times, I just don’t want to talk about it. It will take everything down with it. It terrifies me, thinking of consequences if it came out? It’s been so long, I keep hoping it would fade with time. It doesn’t. Will it ever go away? I always wonder as an after thought to this dreadful memory. I am never trying to recall it, never. It is always an unwanted feeling, distasteful, sad and yet it is, maybe, one of the most consistent flashbacks. At 3am tonight, I am wondering when did I decide to keep this a secret? Why did I decide that? I know why I don’t want this out now, that is clear. But why even then? I could have shared it. Instead, I pushed the entire episode to the back of my system, locked it in an old memory box, threw it’s keys into abyss, filled my heart with so much love and other memories and yet it pops back, kind of like “remember me” by Jim Moriarty. Or like my head is being forced down the Pensieve. Weird how brain works, like me looking for an analogy for a memory I hate so much. Someday, someday I would like to question the other person, do they remember this the way I do? What’s their side? Does it make them sad too? Tell them what it does to me, maybe then I will be able to let it go. Maybe then, it won’t come back.