I was really excited for today’s blog, simply because I have completed a quarter portion of my 100 day target and I felt happy about it. Sadly, life happened and this might not a very happy post.
How to cope with repetitive disappointment? From a person, a job or just a situation. If all I get is regular disappointment, is it not right to move away from it? Even if we love and care about the person or thing so much, is it worth sticking around and keep getting disappointed? If the answer is to move away, how to cope from loss? And if the answer is to stick around and give more chances or make more attempts, then too the question is same, how to cope with sadness? Personally, I believe the answer is to be self sufficient, not to keep any expectations and not to give anyone or anything the power to disappoint. This clashes with another inner thought that is such an existence, of not having expectations from other beings, a fulfilling one? If you don’t touch hearts and people or things don’t touch your hearts, what is the greater purpose? So, once heart is involved, expectations are only natural.
Sadly, all I have are questions or internal clashes. I just hope if this disappointment gets toxic, I have the strength to move away.
The title is my constant complain and I might never stop complaining about it. I have spent most of the day today with kids and boy did I love it. No tension, no accountability, no responsibility, just pure unadulterated joy. By kids, I mean teenagers. So, adults but like not really adults. Just the ideal age, haha. In my teens, I was honestly just studying. I think the world now is more acceptable for teens and they have so many options of what they wish to choose as a career option. GenZ, as they are called, have an oasis in front of them. My millennial self is definitely jealous. I don’t think that one cannot choose after a certain age, some still can. All I am saying is, you have to be a little privileged to be able to leave all responsibilities and just choose an option that is risky. If you are running solo, with no one else dependent on you, then too you can change your career path and choose a risky option.
Covid has been both a blessing and a curse for students from what I know. I met a teenager in December, who told me more than half of her class is now self employed and doing some or the other small business pursuing their creative skills and passion. I found it very commendable. Let’s face it, education in school and college is good to have a degree but has no real help if you want to pursue something creative. Most of the life lessons are best learnt between lectures in schools and colleges, not so much in lectures.
Ah well, as I said all I did in my teens was study, study, study or read novels and watch tv. Even now, I do random stuff like dance alone, shoot beautiful nature and talk to my plants. That is what keeps me sane in this entire adulting scene. So kids and adults, it’s important to find your sane moment in this mad rushing world and if you know what keeps you sane or should I say what keeps you mad and pure like a kid, never stop doing it.
It’s a takeover!!! Me consistently writing has inspired my partner in crime it seems because when I told him to pen down a post, he not only agreed but also took time and did it with all sincerity. Please show him some love.
So today my wife has given me the honor to hijack her blog for a day and here it goes…
How did it all start???
My earliest memories of holding a camera was when my father had got this Konica film camera from Singapore. I was quite young, early years of school and the thing that I was fascinated with was the color of the camera(understable for the age). It was a mix of bright red and black (never seen such a color combination since then)..Also no memory cards back then..There were these films with a limit of 36 photos only and no previews available. By the time I actually understood how to use it for what it was someone whom my father had lent it to broke the camera and my heart too..
The second camera and the one I actually put to use came to me when I was in the 8th grade and we had a week long school trip to Delhi, Agra and Jaipur. But again I believe it was my inclination towards the technology more than my love for the art itself. I barely understood the technicalities of clicking a good picture.
I guess my real interest in the art developed when I got to use a friend’s DSLR. It was just soo intriguing to understand how it worked and how I could do soo many things with it. Another thing that pushed me towards learning the art was to be able to click pictures that we see in magazines and on social media. I guess this is a pattern with me, I see something that interests me and then I want to do that too at that same level. An example: I love watching cooking shows but I can’t cook like that, however what interests me and something that I have relatively mastered is the art of chopping vegetables. Might sound funny but it really gives a sense of satisfaction seeing myself chop veggies like a professional. That’s for another blog maybe so coming back to photography..
Once I got my own DSLR there was no stopping. I would just randomly click pictures. Wherever I went anywhere I had my camera bag with me clicking pictures of anything, everything and everyone. Every week I would attend photo walks, training sessions, editing classes and what not..I was just soo into it. Probably one of the first and probably the only thing that I did with my whole heart (had tried painting for a couple of months in 12th grade but the interest lasted only for a couple of months)..Clicking a picture the way I visualized it would give me the best feeling in the world.
But with time all of this just took a backseat and now I hardly use my camera. I do miss that feeling as it was something I put all my heart into. As we grow and have more responsibilities on our shoulders we tend to put things that give us joy on the back burner. But time and again you get these subtle reminders that you are missing something and that you need to get back to it..Some of us are able to and for some it just becomes a thing of the past. I really hope to find my love back someday!!!
What’s your long lost love or maybe something you don’t want to lose atall??
I just want to wonder aloud. If someone loves to do something, is it necessary to be good at it? Is it okay to do something you are not good at but love to? Or rather if I rephrase this, something I will not achieve anything from but absolutely love doing. I love shooting random videos of places I visit and then editing them or clicking picturesque scenes. I never post them on any of my social media, that’s not why I click or shoot them. I love documenting memories. I love it a lot. So essentially, my happiness and documenting memories are the only two purposes served. I doubt if that is okay because I get asked about it so many times, what do you do with these pictures? When I tell the true answer, I get, “oh, that’s all”. Somehow it seems that it is not enough? Does it need to have a higher purpose? Can I not choose my happiness? Do I have to be productive? Somedays I randomly paint, somedays I wake up at 6 to catch sunrise. No reason. I just do it because it makes me happy. I hope that’s okay.
Lately, I have been wondering if I should do random fun collections of fiction world I love. Harry Potter, Game of Thrones etc. Why? No reason. I just love doing random things. Last week, I wanted to do blogs and videos about places I have traveled but I have no clue what made me chuck that idea. Sometimes, I wish I was not this random. However, since I am this random, I hope it’s okay?
I have been a lover of this show called QUEER EYE since FOREVER and it gives me so many feels when I see it! Today, all day we binged QUEER EYE while working and my love for this show has somehow increased which I didn’t know was a possibility. I continuously have this huge smile or happy tears when I am watching this show, I do “YASS GIRL” so many times I could give you a headache. Not even kidding. This show embraces learning and positivity in such an endearing way, you cannot help but feel so good.
They cover people’s struggles and show how one can learn so much from it. We must accept each part of ourselves, the good, the bad and the ugly. It makes us who we are. Oh and we are all so stunning! No matter how much the society or your own family has dragged you down, or your own thoughts are your demons, you deserve happiness. In abundance. Just look for it with open arms and most importantly, learn to show yourself love. One of the best parts about the show (as per me) is how they pick common people, like you and me, and make us the star of our lives and the show. Well, it’s so obvious really. We are the rockstars and heroes of our own lives and we deserve that attention and happiness. If you use movie as a metaphor for your life, be the badass main lead and pamper yourself for being so amazing. Yes, we falter. That is what makes this movie a hit, how you get over it and do better from there on. How you enjoy the ups and survive the downs. Rememeber that if you are experiencing the down, it’s not the end, hold on tight as the happiness will come to you.
You don’t need to do something extraordinary to deserve the happiness and love. Your struggles are defined by you and so are your victories. The best and the most relevant validation you can receive is from your ownself. Be a winner in your eyes. I wish we all had friends in our lives like those five superheros on the show which showed us how we are amazing and made us love ourselves in such a beautiful manner. The entire process is heart warming and to watch people win against their inner struggles is the kind of content that is the need of the hour in these tough times. Ah, I cannot stop fangirling over the show. If there is one thing you need to start watching is this show. Thank me later for the recommendation 🙂
If you had to choose a movie to describe your life, which would it be? Mine would be a mix of Ye Jawaani Hai Deewani, Dead Poets Society and Inside Out.
We meet people as we cruise through our busy lives doing busy things playing the role of busy people in a busy world. All through this, we touch so many lives, our life touched by many more! You don’t know where, why, how or with whom your paths intersect, until they actually do! Intersections that create moments. Moments that are futile and forgettable, moments that are epic and life defining. Life is, after all, a bunch of nows! At such intersects we end up meeting some people that make it to your story. You know like your grand life story? A grand book that is a collection of small stories which are full of moments with people you meet, who don’t just pass through your life but become a part of it! People happen to us all the time! Lovely, nice, funny, bad, tragic, boring, nose-digging, snoring, pompous, rude and awesome people! Some abandon you, some hurt you, some don’t love you, some don’t get you and we fight and hurt each other, all making a different story! Some stories are so tragic that you wonder why you really started them, some so damn funny that you don’t ever want them to end. Endless stories! Stories that shape up who you are, change you with time, sharpen you and calm you. They make you, you! I love my stories and my people. What I don’t like are the unfinished stories, no one does. But then it leaves so much to imagination! I can think of so many possibilities and even though I could not get my story with some people, I own all these intersections and ideas! Ideas that might just inspire me to have the greatest story ever, because it is just unfinished and not yet over! So no, I am not really letting you go even as I see you go! I love the idea of you and the idea of a story with you! So, until we intersect again?!
How many punches can someone take? Not literal ones or okay as a metaphor let’s say literal ones. How many can one take? There is a limit to it, right? One is bound to fall and feel the pain. Such is life, some would say. However, why is life so unfair to some people? Some face a lot more punches from life than others. Some people learn to overcome it, some glorify pain and some just don’t know what to do with it. If you check the definition of pain “sadness that you feel when something bad has happened”, it hardly covers the depth of the word. “Something bad”, it feels so meager. Pain comes with dark and annoying thoughts, pain comes with a feeling of failure and loss, pain comes with someone else’s sadness, pain comes with someone else’s happiness too, pain makes us act out, pain comes with helplessness. A word that describes so many terrifying things cannot have a simple definition.
There is no rulebook on how to deal with pain. Mental health is the worst affected when you are in pain. If you think about this logically, mental health is what needs to be attended to, whether you are in pain or not. You must seek a therapist, you must speak to people who will listen and who you think might help. This is all very easily said but application? Not so easy. One who experiences pain does not always think logically and they cannot be expected to think straight. Yes, talking to someone helps but they might not wish to talk to anyone. When in pain, everything can seem like a task and it drains you physically and mentally, so to additionally explain someone else why and what happened can be a huge task. When you add this to the fact that someone has had to face this particular punch from life multiple times, you cannot imagine the pain this can cause. I have read it how they explain in books, pain so deep that it cannot be described.
It’s really difficult to know this and yet to just let people be because that is what they wish. It is also incredibly selfish in a way that we want to know and help just so we can cure our anxiety about them. If you have done your best but somehow feel that there is something you have missed and some resentment from the other side, even then we need to let people be. Yes, you care but that is secondary. Yes, you love them but that too is secondary. Everything is secondary to what the person who is in pain wants. That resentment against you can be solved when they are in a better frame of mind, since there is so much love, you must wait. Sometimes, all you can do is wait. Be on standby silently and wait for them to return.
Would like to end with a slight tweak in one of my most favorite quotes, “What do we say to the darkness? Not today”
Today’s post is only going to be about me expressing gratitude. Someday’s you don’t feel anything but gratitude, today’s that day for me.
A lot of things happened today which made me feel thankful. Some big, some small. I met my parents and grandmom after more than a month, I missed them but I only realized how much after I met them. They did not know I was coming and the sheer happiness on their faces, may they always be this happy. I saw an entire sunset today without any thoughts. Peaceful, that’s how it feels. Some music, my swing and nature’s beautiful art. I am anyway a big time sunset lover so all sunsets make me feel sheer gratitude! I ate food for soul, I was craving “dadi ke paranthe” and she made it even when she is not 100% well. I know it’s just how family loves you but I am so grateful I have it. Super super grateful. I have met some wonderful people out here who are so inspiring and I learn everyday from them. For this particular point, I have been feeling grateful this whole week, I really needed to be strong and posts and people here helped. They made me so happy at unexpected times. I have people who love me enough to peel mangoes for me. This is no small feat, I can cut mangoes but peeling them is a task, I end up wasting so much of it. Lucky for me, my loved ones are always up for helping me.
What is strength, really? Who would you call strong?
I have been wondering about this a lot lately and came to a conclusion that I must pen down my thoughts which might give me some semblance or it might just confuse me more as it does more often than not. So, who could be termed as strong? We are way past the notion that it comes from just physical strength. Yes, physically active and well-built people are strong but only when accompanied by mental strength. Honestly, you need to be mentally strong to achieve physical strength too. For me, strength is an attribute I correlate with courage, endurance and bravery. A person who can do anything which I am scared of or I am incapable of doing is a strong person to me. My mom can cook meal for a dozen people without creating a fuss alongwith managing her job, a friend treks huge mountains almost every weekend, an acquaintance is staying alone abroad to build her career, and these are all very strong people to me. Very common examples but examples of ample strength. There has always been a lot of stereotyping around strength. Do we have to battle something to be categorized as strong? Maybe or maybe not. Isn’t every battle very subjective and personal? Definitely. What is a battle for some, could be a cakewalk for you. Foolish to generalize what can be categorized as strong. Plus won’t we always have that one person who thinks we are not strong enough, no matter what? Bahhh, so many right? Standing in a balcony of a flat on sixth storey requires strength for someone with vertigo and personally for me, presenting anything to an audience alone is scary and I feel very strong everytime I accomplish that. For introverts, even talking to people is everyday battle that they fight and win (hopelessly optimistic, effort is also a win). Every person who has the courage to love and commit is strong, even more so if they have had a bad experience in past. We are all surrounded by strength by way of amazing and strong people all around us. Yet, what do most of us choose to see? The triviality of the thing done, the lack of something that as per us is missing in it and oh my favorite, how we think they could have done it better. People around us lack tolerance and everyone battling their personal battles bears the brunt of it which makes one doubt their strength.
There are two other things that I believe need to be addressed. First, people’s obsession with wanting others to conquer their fears. What is the deal with that? Sure, if someone wants to do it we can motivate them. But people terming someone as pussy (don’t even get me started on how wrong the usage of the word in this context is!) because they won’t do something out of fear is downright intruding, impolite and unwanted. Someone being scared of something does not make them weak, it just means they love their life and don’t want to risk it. Respect their choice, it is literally basic etiquettes. Motivating someone is different from forcing someone or peer pressurizing them, understand the difference and know when to stop. Secondly, another misconception, which is thankfully fading away, is how a certain pedestal needs to be attained to be termed as strong. Who decides this please? Who is distributing the titles? Where is this panel sitting? Who told them they can decide? Who made them the jury? What are the parameters? Who agreed to them being parameters? Self proclaimed judgemental crap, that’s all it is. Whoever these people are, I hope you read this and know that every time I have managed to successfully carry off heels for a day, I have felt immensely strong and I can very well show my lack of tolerance by crushing your opinions under my heels should you choose to tell me otherwise!!!!
This is something I wrote long time ago and really needed to revisit because of something I am going through. Thought it to be worth a read for others as well. Whoever is reading this, you are mighty strong and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise 🙂
13 is not considered a great number so I wanted to post something happy today. I am a rebel like that. So for this, I just asked someone, what makes you feel warm and fuzzy. Very disappointing answer was, “what’s fuzzy?”. I asked him to google and he told me watching the series FRIENDS does that to him. I liked his answer and with that I started to just think on what makes me warm and fuzzy.
Fuzzy feeling is a feeling of comfort, like you feel when you are under a blanket on a cold evening. Even typing that made me long for an evening just like that! Okay, so what makes me feel warm and fuzzy? I’d say unexpected gestures and handwritten notes or emails. I just love when someone does something (small or big does not matter) unexpected for me, dropping me a text to say they were thinking of me, telling me they saw something that reminded them of me, you got the drift right? Just knowing that there are memories you’ve made with people that they are fondly remembering. It’s like a warm virtual hug! Next thing that ties with this is hand written notes or emails! I love writing long and random emails to friends and I love receiving them just as much. I used to do that a lot before, I had once emailed a crush of mine who I just followed on twitter telling him that he is AWESOME! He did not even know of my existence and his reply was the exact definition of “warm and fuzzy” and I remember, jumping on bed when I read it. It was full of love and it was so unexpected! Ah, what a nice memory! So yes, I am very old school like that. I had even sent postcards to my best friends with special notes handwritten by me and I was so excited to see their reaction and happiness when they received it. I even try and keep all handwritten notes I have received with gifts over the years, even if it just says that the package is for me in their own handwriting. I had even tried to maintain a book in which I used to write all my favorite poems, there was no reason for it. It just made me so happy. I wish I’d be more attentive towards making myself happy even now. Maybe I will try! 🙂
To think of it, it is not that difficult to make someone feel nice. All it takes is a small, thoughtful gesture. Thank you to everyone who is reading this, please do comment and let me know what makes you feel “warm and fuzzy”? I am already excited to read the answers.