It’s month end!!


Before I dive into the topic, I have to say what I keep saying “adulting is so hard”. Where is the pause button on this adulting business? Need one everytime I have to plan my finances. I am not a big spender so not like I have to control anything but adulting, in general, is expensive. Feel me yet?

I want to start with a very happy and cherished memory. I am very close to my grandma, like very. My mom worked as a teacher (she is now retired) so I was brought up by my grand mom too. I anyway think my mom is a super mom because I never ever felt like she was not there at any point in my childhood. But, my mom is not a gossiper! She hates being nosy and always allowed me to share what I wanted. This was not the case with my grandma. She wanted all details, which friend is doing what, who said what to whom. Everything. So naturally, I shared a lot with her. I still do. As a retired RO herself, once she is done with newspaper and daily tv, she still needs real life gossip. So yes, since I was so close to my grandmom, when I grew old enough to get pocket money, it was she who I asked. As she was aware of where I might spend it, it was easy to ask her. Not that my dad would have asked me where I am spending, he is a big spender himself so would have been easier to ask him. Anyway, so considering the free yet disciplined upbringing I had, grandma decided I’d get 1000 bucks to start with. I was really small and really had no use except for buying presents for someone I love. So, I started to save it apart from general expense or if I went on any outing. No one asked me to save it, I did that on my own. I remember my grandma teasing me that since I have saved it, there is no need for more money until that’s spent and me crying to mom, announcing how it was unfair. Words like “it’s my right to receive” were used. It made everyone laugh and obviously the money kept coming in. It increased as I went to college and soon after college, I got my first job. My dear old grandma suggested that now she does not need to pay me, to say I was heartbroken is an understatement. Sure, I will earn but how can she stop giving me the pocket money? It had a sentimental value for me. I think she must have seen how hurt I was when my face fell so she said she will continue. I was happy again. Even though I was earning, I don’t think I understood adulting. All the bills at home, even my rail pass (since he got his own, he used to get mine too) was something my parents were taking care of. All I did was bought occasional gifts or ordered monthly ration for home. That too sometimes. Pocket money continued. It has only stopped sometime ago as my grandma said, “you need to give me pocket money now”. Like she would ever need my money! Even now, on birthdays, festivals and just like that too sometimes, they gift me in cash. I never say no, I love getting that. As I said, it has a sentimental value for me. From getting phone from parents to buying phone got them, the roles reversed. But what has not changed is that they are older to me so I still must get gifts from them (being the youngest in the house)!

Cut to now, when I am almost adulting (not really still). Paying all bills, get groceries, it’s all clear on what being independent actually means. When you sit at month end or start to manage the finances, it is a big task. Also the one I really hate. As I said, I like saving. So even checking the options on where to save is so tedious and needs such constant monitoring. Earlier my mom did all the bank work for me, even when I insisted she let me. She said she has more time than me so it’s only logical she helped me, it was true too. I hate monitoring markets, I have a agent who does so for me. I wish there was an agent to manage the bills too! I am already dreading the next salary credit because I will need to sort what goes where!

What’s your idea of financial independence and do you like managing your finances? Looking for tips!

It do be like that sometimes!


We all need love. When it comes to love, we all are end consumers. People say it’s love what we live for. We seek love, in any form.

So did she.

He gave her attention, she loved it. He pampered her, she cherished it. He complimented her, she accepted it. He was like an addiction, she was addicted. He was the flame, she was the moth. He demanded, she refused. He changed, she ignored. He was rude, she ignored. He fought, she made up. She confronted, he shouted. She was upset, he ignored. She stopped talking, he didn’t care. End of story. When life isn’t all roses, we hold on to the only rose we see with all our might. Even if it is full of thorns. Only to realise later, it isn’t even ours. We can’t see the truth because the lie soothed us or maybe we don’t want to see it. We choose to ignore the obvious signs of it all being a deceit with a hope that it might turn good at some point. It’s true, sometimes addiction, even to humans, is so strong that being aware that it is wrong, bad, not worth it, we still can’t shun it.

Love all or perish!


Love each other, or perish!

So, I realized few days ago that I have never mentioned or explained why I have this title “love all or perish” on my website. It was mentioned by someone in comments and I thought I should express the thought behind it. It is a really thought provoking line as per me.

First and foremost, this is the line I read in 2011 in my most favorite book “Tuesdays with Morrie”. I have read a lot of books but I don’t think I’d have any other so close to my heart as this one. The line goes, “love each other, or perish”. It essentially means love the people around you when you have time so that you don’t have to bear your troubles alone. Make those emotional bonds so that when time comes, you have the support you need. The alternative is to perish alone, deprived of love. As I have mentioned multiple times, I am an only child. I think this quote stuck with me at that time because I have always felt the lack of having that emotional bond with someone around my age. My parents are the best, love them, bless them. However, I think having a sibling is really different and I feel a void because of that. I went on to make mind blowing friends and some are like my siblings, literally. But still this quote will always be my belief and something that calls out to my entire emotional existence.

It is such a beautiful thought right? What is left in the world if there is no love? It will perish and so will we. It is really difficult to try and apply this, to just give love selflessly, but what is the harm in trying? I think it’s okay to rant about people, does not mean we don’t love them. A situation can be bad, not necessarily the person. Sinners can surprise you and the same is true for saints. Why don’t people admit that compassion and cruelty can live side by side in one heart?

Love each other, or perish!