A girl can dream!

99/100

Almost there. Almost!

Freely walking down the road at an odd hour,
destination is a little too far,
but to go there I’ll need no team,
Certainly, a girl can dream!

Attending parties at our own discretion,
late night movies will be a viable option,
not missing out on life’s cream,
Atleast, a girl can dream!

Won’t be blamed with no fault of mine,
he’ll be punished, that idiot swine,
to be heard, i won’t need to scream,
Yes, a girl can dream.

Born to a king, married to a prince,
practices of dowry won’t make me wince,
I won’t be pushed to the extremes,
Wistful as it is, a girl can dream!

I’ll be treated as an equal,
Not degraded, if not special,
to be looked at with deserving esteem,
Of this, a girl can dream!

My birth won’t be seen at as a burden,
the shrewd thinking boundaries will widen,
for us with pride all parents will beam,
distant though, a girl can dream!

Misogyny will be abolished,
love and peace established,
of this yet, I see no gleam,
But still, a girl can dream!

It’s month end!!

97/100

Before I dive into the topic, I have to say what I keep saying “adulting is so hard”. Where is the pause button on this adulting business? Need one everytime I have to plan my finances. I am not a big spender so not like I have to control anything but adulting, in general, is expensive. Feel me yet?

I want to start with a very happy and cherished memory. I am very close to my grandma, like very. My mom worked as a teacher (she is now retired) so I was brought up by my grand mom too. I anyway think my mom is a super mom because I never ever felt like she was not there at any point in my childhood. But, my mom is not a gossiper! She hates being nosy and always allowed me to share what I wanted. This was not the case with my grandma. She wanted all details, which friend is doing what, who said what to whom. Everything. So naturally, I shared a lot with her. I still do. As a retired RO herself, once she is done with newspaper and daily tv, she still needs real life gossip. So yes, since I was so close to my grandmom, when I grew old enough to get pocket money, it was she who I asked. As she was aware of where I might spend it, it was easy to ask her. Not that my dad would have asked me where I am spending, he is a big spender himself so would have been easier to ask him. Anyway, so considering the free yet disciplined upbringing I had, grandma decided I’d get 1000 bucks to start with. I was really small and really had no use except for buying presents for someone I love. So, I started to save it apart from general expense or if I went on any outing. No one asked me to save it, I did that on my own. I remember my grandma teasing me that since I have saved it, there is no need for more money until that’s spent and me crying to mom, announcing how it was unfair. Words like “it’s my right to receive” were used. It made everyone laugh and obviously the money kept coming in. It increased as I went to college and soon after college, I got my first job. My dear old grandma suggested that now she does not need to pay me, to say I was heartbroken is an understatement. Sure, I will earn but how can she stop giving me the pocket money? It had a sentimental value for me. I think she must have seen how hurt I was when my face fell so she said she will continue. I was happy again. Even though I was earning, I don’t think I understood adulting. All the bills at home, even my rail pass (since he got his own, he used to get mine too) was something my parents were taking care of. All I did was bought occasional gifts or ordered monthly ration for home. That too sometimes. Pocket money continued. It has only stopped sometime ago as my grandma said, “you need to give me pocket money now”. Like she would ever need my money! Even now, on birthdays, festivals and just like that too sometimes, they gift me in cash. I never say no, I love getting that. As I said, it has a sentimental value for me. From getting phone from parents to buying phone got them, the roles reversed. But what has not changed is that they are older to me so I still must get gifts from them (being the youngest in the house)!

Cut to now, when I am almost adulting (not really still). Paying all bills, get groceries, it’s all clear on what being independent actually means. When you sit at month end or start to manage the finances, it is a big task. Also the one I really hate. As I said, I like saving. So even checking the options on where to save is so tedious and needs such constant monitoring. Earlier my mom did all the bank work for me, even when I insisted she let me. She said she has more time than me so it’s only logical she helped me, it was true too. I hate monitoring markets, I have a agent who does so for me. I wish there was an agent to manage the bills too! I am already dreading the next salary credit because I will need to sort what goes where!

What’s your idea of financial independence and do you like managing your finances? Looking for tips!

Win-Win Day!

96/100

If today was a normal day (like I was not doing this challenge), I would not have written. I am dead tired, which is good in a way. Reminds me of pre covid days. My day started at 0630am and is still going on (2230 now). Just wrapped up work which was crazy crazy busy today. Like, too busy for a monday! I still consider the day a win.

The biggest reason for the same is, we went out for breakfast!! I love breakfast dates! They are really my most favorite! I mean I love all meals but breakfast dates are just special. We were three friends, we ate, we talked, we joked and I felt like I am a part of eco system again. It is a very rare feeling in these times of isolation. Everything we ordered was so yummy, even though I am so tired, I’d do it again in a blink of an eye! Only time one can get me out of bed on a workday at 0630 is either for a sunrise or to go on a breakfast date! We also met Oscar! The cutest pug ever and he had such a friendly pet mom, she did not mind my hopeless attempts at persuading Oscar to come to me, at all. She infact encouraged him. At some point, I really felt jealous of his life. I mean he came to the cafe with his pet mom, she fed him then he strolled around for a bit and lastly he decided to settle for a nap in his pet mom’s lap! He is one good boy! Here are some of the yummy things we had!

Looks amazing right? Tasted so so good. The cold brew with coconut water was the best drink! Yes, I am a coffee drinker now! Plus I am also open to experimenting with coffee! Question, how much avacado is too much avacado? Answer, it is never too much! I even took a takeaway of guacamole! Oh, there was this aubergine (eggplant) toast we had which was also delicious. Now it’s time to meet the goodest boy!

Oscar, the winner of goodest boy award!

Another win win kind of situation is that the book I was dying to read is finally here and I have started reading it!!! Hope to enjoy it to the fullest and share the learnings with you all.

How is Monday treating you?

Fly me to the moon!

91/100

She opened her eyes and looked around as she was sitting on her swing. It seemed like such a fresh view, which surprised her as she was on the swing for past hour. She noticed how the waves were touching her feet gently when the swing was still. It made her feel like she was part of the sea, a small miniscule part of a big ocean but clearly completing the ocean. Just like each human completes this world and makes it what it is, a part of a big picture. She smiled at this positive thought. She started swinging, bending till she was almost laying horizontal to sand. As she swinged, she stared at the setting sun. Dusk was her favorite part of the day. It portrayed a love story between moon and sun which she could witness. The sea was in process of swalloing the sun and the moon was already up and about in the sky. Sky. She now stared up as she continued to swing. Clouds were pretty today, she thought. Well, when are they not? Came the second thought running behind. She smiled. It made her happy, looking at the clouds. She could see some shapes forming and she tried to guess what was what. She observed all the changing colors in the sky, from blue clear sky to white as clouds came in, to yellow and orange taking over like making love as sun was setting, to a hint of pink like the sky blushed as it saw moon and sun meeting for that fleeting moment to it all becoming a dull gray. She sat up and stopped swinging. She noticed how the wind had picked up and it was blowing into her face. It was also getting cold. She sighed as she realized she will have to go now. She took in the scene one more time, the trees lined up behind her, the vast never ending ocean, the waves touching her feet, the residual of sun’s light, the sky and the stars starting to come in as clouds parted away. She closed her eyes and felt the wind. She felt like she dropped something and bent down to pick it up. As she did so, she saw a tiled floor and she was shocked for a moment. She sat up in shock and took in the surroundings. She was at her home, sitting on a swing and had dropped off the phone. Oh, what a dream!

Shoot your shot, I mean star!

90/100

He wanted to own that toy car right from the moment he had set his eyes on it but he knew they couldn’t afford it. At night as he sat by the window counting the number of vehicles that passed on the road below he saw the shooting star and wished for that car…

She had seen her child’s eager and wistful eyes as he saw the car. The inability to fulfill her child’s unsaid wish sliced her heart. So as she sat in balcony crying the silent tears she saw the shooting star and wished her child gets all the happiness in the world…

He knew they were right. Each word they uttered showed their care and concern, he should have had a secured job by now. And yet he had been a jerk and yelled at his parents for pressuring him. While he mulled over these events sipping his drink outside the bar, he saw the shooting star and wished that he cracks the interview tomorrow…

It had been an easy banter, the kind they always had. They always made fun of each other but this time the reactions weren’t that civil. There are misunderstandings. She saw the shooting star as she strolled the park and wished that they would always be the best friends they are…

He knew his time was ending. This disease was eating him up slowly, each day getting even more painful than the last one. Yet when he saw the shooting star from the window beside his bed he wished for some more time just so he could still wake up to see his wife’s smile to have him alive..

Not a day had passed when she wouldn’t have thought about her daughter, about what she could be doing, how she looked. She had no choice but to send her off to orphanage lest her in laws would have killed the girl child. As she waited for her husband to return she saw the shooting star and wished for her daughter’s happiness…

He had practiced it well, he knew he could crack it. He wanted that proud smile on his parent’s face as he got the prize. He sat revising the answers again and that’s when he saw the shooting star wishing he’d win the quiz competition tomorrow…

I know a pretty random post, don’t know how and why i wrote this. But it propped up in my mind as i read about the shooting star. Of all the explanations i read about the shooting star, this one seemed very interesting and sweet to me:
Legend has it that wishing upon a shooting star makes the wish come true. It is believed to have originated in Europe, when Greek astronomer Ptolemy, around AD 127-151, wrote that the Gods occassionally, out of curiosity, even boredom, peer down at the earth from between the spheres, and stars sometimes slip out of this gap, becoming visible as shooting or falling stars. Since the Gods are already looking at us at such a time, they tend to be more receptive to any wishes we make! One more interesting thing i came across is that in Chile when you spot a shooting star, you must pick up a stone in the same moment, while making a wish. If you’re in the Phillipines, you must tie a knot in your handkerchief instead!

At the end it all comes down to your beliefs! No harm in trying i say!
Oh and also, always keep a wish handy, you never know when you might just witness the shooting star! 

Happy Birthday!

88/100

I have been MIA here for a couple of days and that’s because it’s my favorite person’s birthday today so obviously lots of things were happening, all at once. I just asked him before starting to write this post as to how his birthday was and he says he had fun! Yep, a man of few words!

The most tiring thing was making a comic strip on our love story from scratch! When I say I have had sleepless nights, it means I either slept a couple of hours or did not at all for straight 48 hours. It is VERY HARD and for someone who has made nothing EVER, it was even harder. I tried finding existing templates to make my job easy but they were really not useful because my purpose was to recreate the actual scenes via the comic and existing templates were not even close. Whild I had the idea for so long, I kept procrastinating thinking I just have to add the avatars to template! But my, oh my, this has made me respect those who make actual comics so much!!!

This is one of the pages!

While I was still skeptical of my work and as always, over analytical, friends who saw this asked me who I got it made from!! To have people think this was done by a professional is so overwhelming that I couldn’t believe it my self. He himself knew I was working on something on my own and has been insisting I start this as a business now! I don’t think that is a good idea because of how much work I had to put into it and for days!!!

Anyway, all worth it when it makes the other person happy as that was the only aim. Do wish him in the comments so he feels even more special than he already does! 🙂

My personal favorite page!

Lost!

87/100

She was walking. All alone (or so she felt). She just kept moving ahead. It was dark. Darkness so deep, just like moving with closed eyes. That didn’t bother her. She kept on moving, surrounding herself more and more with the blanket of darkness. She couldn’t see anything. Couldn’t hear anyone. She couldn’t sense anything. She just felt one thing. Pain. Immense pain. Pain so cruel, her heart could explode. Her mind was crowded. Crowded with thoughts. Conflicting thoughts. Too many thoughts, all fighting with each other. Each thought fighting to make sense. None making sense to her. She still could not believe what had happened. She had just lived her nightmare. All that she thought she would never let happen to her was exactly what had happened. She had lost control over her life. What went wrong?? She thought. That is all she had been trying to figure. She was tired. Tired of thinking. She had been crying herself to sleep ever since. Every night she cried till the tears dried out. Now She wanted to cry out loud. She wanted to share what she was going through. She knew what will happen. She would be asked to move on. That is what she has been trying to do. Move on. But all she sees is darkness. Sympathy, that is what she would be offered. She did not want that. She hates it. She is not weak. She is a fighter. She will fight this, she thought. But one step ahead reminded her something and she was two steps behind. Broke, that is how she felt. What next, she thought. Lost in her pain she could hear voices now. She heard her name being called. She knew the voice. She answered and left with the voice. Moving ahead all she could see was darkness. Once she was scared of darkness, now darkness is all she has. She laughed at her thought. A cold laugh. She kept moving. All alone (or so she felt).

I wrote this when I was going through something very dark in my life!

Some good vibes and positivity!

84/100

I am a nerd in so many ways, always have been and always will be. Recently I got a cute reminder of the same. I say cute, you may have a different adjective for the same. I won’t mind! I stumbled upon a collection I made during my college days. When I saw movies at that time, I used to pen down or type my most favorite line from movie so I can revisit it when I want to. Told you, cute nerd! Just like watching some movies can give you immense happiness, so can reading the dialogues from the same. I am penning down some of them so you all can enjoy!

From the movie If Only:
Samantha on being asked what would she do if it was her last day on earth:
I’d spend it with you.
Just being together. Like now.
A closeness. An intense closeness. Really sharing things with each other. Silly things. Difficult things. That’s what I’ve always wanted for us, and if we could have that…nothing could hurt us.

From the movie A Walk To Remember:
When Landon asks Jamie if she would help her:
Jamie: You have to promise you won’t fall in love with me.
Landon: That’s not a problem.

Landon reading a quote from Jamie’s mom’s self compiled book:
Landon: “Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful.”

From The Vampire Diaries S01E01:
Elena (who has lost both her parents) writes her diary:
Dear diary, today will be different. It has to be. I will smile, and it will be believable. My smile will say “I’m fine, thank you.” “Yes, I feel much better.” I will no longer be the sad little girl who lost her parents. I will start fresh, be someone new. It’s the only way I’ll make it through.

From the movie The Notebook:
[His last letter to Allie]
My Dearest Allie. I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter any more, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you. Noah.

From the movie The Shawshank Redemption:
Andy Dufresne: That’s the beauty of music. They can’t get that from you… Haven’t you ever felt that way about music?
Red: I played a mean harmonica as a younger man. Lost interest in it though. Didn’t make much sense in here.
Andy Dufresne: Here’s where it makes the most sense. You need it so you don’t forget.
Red: Forget?
Andy Dufresne: Forget that… there are places in this world that aren’t made out of stone. That there’s something inside… that they can’t get to, that they can’t touch. That’s yours.
Red: What’re you talking about?
Andy Dufresne: Hope.

From Pride and Prejudice: Mr Darcy: “In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will no longer be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

Dead Poet’s Society
John Keating: “We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

Do leave me with a quote from movie or book that you have loved 🙂

Why do you write?

82/100

I have read a couple of posts here in past week where people are talking about what motivates them to write and what’s their idea behind it. Reading those got me thinking, why do I write? To my surprise, there is no easy answer other than one obvious one. I enjoy it. I enjoy putting down words, I don’t necessarily think I am a good writer but on rare occasions I do get words on my notepad or phone pad and they seem to make a beautiful sync, it makes me happy. So happy. Words are beautiful and they have magic and power. They can take you places, they can make you feel, they are powerful to bring a change and to be able to sometimes succeed in doing that in even a small way, what a win! What a feeling! It more or else feels like writing has become a part of my existence! When I am sad, it is therapeutic. When I am happy, it is the best form of celebration. When I am angry, it is an outlet I am most thankful for. When I feel nothing, numb, I read something and if nothing atleast the peace envelopes my head. Even when you are journaling, it has been identified to have so many benefits. So it’s not just about people, writing is how you communicate with yourself. When you start writing for yourself, you can come across thoughts you did not know were buried inside you. It’s like a healing process for yourself and also a form of self love. That’s not it, I have used my writing to voice my opinions on matters so many don’t talk about. Politics, bullying, abuse, sexual offenders, feminism. It does not sit well with everyone but writing gives you to medium to broadcast your opinions. You never know who will read what you write and it might end up helping that one person who could relate. It’s the best thing ever, when something you write inspires someone or they relate to it or it is something they learn from. I have been on the other end of being inspired, relating and learning so many times. I believe in writing and it’s transforming ability with all my might.

I am sure you all would have your own reasons and beliefs which make you write and share, do tell me about them?

Facade!

81/100

She was loved by all. Everyone wanted to be with her. She was vibrant in nature so the attraction made sense. Good company to be with. She never knew hurting others or so she thought. She wanted people to be happy. It made her happy to see others happy. But, making everyone happy is impossible. Only if she knew this. Instead, the one’s she couldn’t make happy thought of her as biased. Maybe it was true. There were a few she absolutely loved to see happy. Her heart soared high in happiness when she saw them happy. So she tried more for them. But in process some were ignored, never intentionally. Though not on purpose, people were hurt. Hearts grew apart. That’s when she felt the effect. The distance, the heartache. She felt it all. She didn’t know what went wrong. She could sense people drifting away. She tried stopping them, only separating the already distant hearts more. She was accused. She tried to explain, she failed. She tried to match up, she failed. Maybe trying too much was the problem. But she couldn’t help it. She never wanted this. It broke her. But there were those who still loved her. They supported her. She needed it. Seeing people who once loved her, who she loved, loathing her, blaming her wasn’t easy to live with. But then there were those who cared for her, genuinely. She treasured them. She could survive seeing them happy. She would be the way she is, for them. She just existed, pretending to live. Pretending for those who loved her. Pretending to be happy. She thought it was easier, easier than admitting that she was sad. That would require reasons and explanations, leading to more heartache. No. Pretending to be happy is easy. Yet sometimes, even now, the pretence fades, revealing the real her. She cries. Sometimes its okay to let the tears flow. They flow reliving those memories and with a lot of could-have-been scenarios. But she soon gets back to pretending as life with tears and what ifs and memories is not survivable. Sometimes she is actually happy. At those times, she hopes and wishes that maybe someday she’ll be so perfect at pretence that she might actually end up being happy forever.

Forever is a myth, if only she knew.