My vacation is going good. However, like everytime there is vacation anxiety attached. When we are checking out places we want to visit, there is always a thought of leaving something out or missing out some place. I mean what if that place is superb and we just don’t visit it? That’d make me so sad. Also, sometimes aiming to over achieve you forget to pause and enjoy!! So far, we have stuck to the plan and it’s all so beautiful but anxiety hits when the day ends, forcing me to overthink what coming day holds and what if I goof up on that. The crux of the matter is, I want to see new things and I want to see them all. Earlier, I did not really rest and my vacations were super hectic but that was okay as I was also mentally much stronger. Right now, my mental health needs vacations which are paced well but anxiety makes me want to change the course. Here’s to hope I can overcome my anxiety and enjoy the places I am at 🙂
Posting what keeps me sane during such episodes of anxiety!
I had zero motivation to write today. Yet, i just decided to simply start to write my thoughts and see where it goes. 70% of my brain is occupied by a scary fact that two of my closest friends in delhi have tested positive for covid. It is not scary just because they are ill, the fact is they have not stepped out in 20+ days, they do not have a maid at home since 3 to 4 weeks and they have met zero people, yet they caught the virus. I mean if people are not safe staying indoors then how else? Home, it is suppose to be a place of comfort, safety and a shell you retreat to. This virus is contaminating that sacred place too, so how else can we cope? I have been positive with them, asked them to take utmost care and recover speedily. But the thought of how bizzare and weird this is just won’t leave my head. They have fever and bodyache and are home quarantined. If all goes well, they will be absolutely fine in a couple of weeks. However, if by any chance this suggest that the virus is air borne, we are royally screwed.
There are some days, you just cannot stay positive or look at the brighter side. Today is one of those days for me. I just want to be lame and distract myself completely, push this ugly thought so far to the back of my mind that it doesn’t resurface but the day is over and the night is upon us and I know as I try to sleep, this demon thought will keep me up, God knows until when.