It’s January!

It’s my favorite month! Yayyy! I love January, I do think it is the best month. It is hardly to do with the fact that it is but my birth month. Maybe some part of it is related to the fact but majorly it is because January always feels so fresh. It indicates start of something new, we are all excited with high hopes and high spirits! Most importantly, I always have some trip planned during this time. That makes it my most favorite time of the year. That and ofcourse winter season. I mean, in bombay, we hardly feel cold but all the same I love it.

However, right now it is not cold and it breaks my heart that I have nothing planned, no trip in sight so far. It just makes me sad every now and then. I know there are bigger worries but a heart wants what it wants! Waking up anxious every morning even though I only fall asleep because I am tired of thinking and overthinking how this entire year could be a dud because of how it has started. There are some parts which are good but when what you love the most goes wrong, the other niceties just fade. You know what I mean? All I want is to not have my head so heavy and anxious all the time. It is starting to physically hurt.

Sometimes I think it is also because I expected this year to be extra special, every occasion of this year to be celebrated by doing what we like, doing what makes us happy. I hate celebrating my birthday, I do, which is why I always planned a trip and ran away to places where no one knows it’s my birthday. It served two purposes, I was traveling and no one around fussed about birthday. It was the only way I looked forward to my birthday, every year. Since last 6 to 7 years or maybe more. It was either that or I went to work where no one knows my birthday. That is the tradition. While 2021 is a small milestone for me personally, clearly universe has other plans. I dread each day as I get closer to my birthday about being forced to celebrate it. The anxiety is real and it makes me weep.

Ugh, this post is so sad, I hope I write again soon in this month itself and have something nicer to say. I really don’t want January to be like this. It sucks.

Don’t should on yourself!

When someone is anxious, in distress, worried or just down, our first instinct is to want to help them. While the intention is noble, if we do it in the wrong way we might just be ruining it further. I am someone who is still learning how exactly can we help others or even ourselves in the correct way when having a bad mental health day or a week, because it is not the same for all. The entire internet is filled with slogans, videos, tweets telling you what you SHOULD do to fix what you feel. Even writing that sentence seemed wrong on so many levels. I could understand placing a “should” when you are talking of a black and white situation. Mental health is not black and white. It is big blob of grey or maybe blue (haha, get it?). Not all humans react to mental health help in same way, which is why we have professionals. These professionals have said we don’t know everything about our brain yet and mental health is evolving everyday. Yet, there are some people around us who will say “snap yourself out of it”. I suggest you snap them out of your life, for sometime atleast. While snapping out might have worked for some, it might not work on others. Nothing ever has to be “SHOULD”, even more so when you are not at your full capacity. Making it compulsory by adding a should we might just be adding to the stress. Hence, the title. I heard it on a random podcast and it is now my favorite line ever!!

Our body and mind don’t have to work the same way daily, ask yourself what you are capable of doing, on such days especially, and do not push it. Your mind is asking for a day off, allow it. It’s that time you need to show yourself some love. Do what works for you, whether it is as lame as watching garbage tv or as profound as journaling.

You do you!

PS: Watching garbage tv is the best! 10/10 I recommend.