How to cope?

25/100

I was really excited for today’s blog, simply because I have completed a quarter portion of my 100 day target and I felt happy about it. Sadly, life happened and this might not a very happy post.

How to cope with repetitive disappointment? From a person, a job or just a situation. If all I get is regular disappointment, is it not right to move away from it? Even if we love and care about the person or thing so much, is it worth sticking around and keep getting disappointed? If the answer is to move away, how to cope from loss? And if the answer is to stick around and give more chances or make more attempts, then too the question is same, how to cope with sadness? Personally, I believe the answer is to be self sufficient, not to keep any expectations and not to give anyone or anything the power to disappoint. This clashes with another inner thought that is such an existence, of not having expectations from other beings, a fulfilling one? If you don’t touch hearts and people or things don’t touch your hearts, what is the greater purpose? So, once heart is involved, expectations are only natural.

Sadly, all I have are questions or internal clashes. I just hope if this disappointment gets toxic, I have the strength to move away.

I have been Queer Eyed!

20/100

I have been a lover of this show called QUEER EYE since FOREVER and it gives me so many feels when I see it! Today, all day we binged QUEER EYE while working and my love for this show has somehow increased which I didn’t know was a possibility. I continuously have this huge smile or happy tears when I am watching this show, I do “YASS GIRL” so many times I could give you a headache. Not even kidding. This show embraces learning and positivity in such an endearing way, you cannot help but feel so good.

They cover people’s struggles and show how one can learn so much from it. We must accept each part of ourselves, the good, the bad and the ugly. It makes us who we are. Oh and we are all so stunning! No matter how much the society or your own family has dragged you down, or your own thoughts are your demons, you deserve happiness. In abundance. Just look for it with open arms and most importantly, learn to show yourself love. One of the best parts about the show (as per me) is how they pick common people, like you and me, and make us the star of our lives and the show. Well, it’s so obvious really. We are the rockstars and heroes of our own lives and we deserve that attention and happiness. If you use movie as a metaphor for your life, be the badass main lead and pamper yourself for being so amazing. Yes, we falter. That is what makes this movie a hit, how you get over it and do better from there on. How you enjoy the ups and survive the downs. Rememeber that if you are experiencing the down, it’s not the end, hold on tight as the happiness will come to you.

You don’t need to do something extraordinary to deserve the happiness and love. Your struggles are defined by you and so are your victories. The best and the most relevant validation you can receive is from your ownself. Be a winner in your eyes. I wish we all had friends in our lives like those five superheros on the show which showed us how we are amazing and made us love ourselves in such a beautiful manner. The entire process is heart warming and to watch people win against their inner struggles is the kind of content that is the need of the hour in these tough times. Ah, I cannot stop fangirling over the show. If there is one thing you need to start watching is this show. Thank me later for the recommendation 🙂

If you had to choose a movie to describe your life, which would it be? Mine would be a mix of Ye Jawaani Hai Deewani, Dead Poets Society and Inside Out.

I live for sunsets and some love!

16/100

Today’s post is only going to be about me expressing gratitude. Someday’s you don’t feel anything but gratitude, today’s that day for me.

A lot of things happened today which made me feel thankful. Some big, some small. I met my parents and grandmom after more than a month, I missed them but I only realized how much after I met them. They did not know I was coming and the sheer happiness on their faces, may they always be this happy. I saw an entire sunset today without any thoughts. Peaceful, that’s how it feels. Some music, my swing and nature’s beautiful art. I am anyway a big time sunset lover so all sunsets make me feel sheer gratitude! I ate food for soul, I was craving “dadi ke paranthe” and she made it even when she is not 100% well. I know it’s just how family loves you but I am so grateful I have it. Super super grateful. I have met some wonderful people out here who are so inspiring and I learn everyday from them. For this particular point, I have been feeling grateful this whole week, I really needed to be strong and posts and people here helped. They made me so happy at unexpected times. I have people who love me enough to peel mangoes for me. This is no small feat, I can cut mangoes but peeling them is a task, I end up wasting so much of it. Lucky for me, my loved ones are always up for helping me.

A big big big thank you to the universe!❤

We often take for granted the very things that deserve most of our gratitude.

Podcasts

7/100

I think I am a little late to the party but how amazing are podcasts? I have only started listening to a few of them recently and it is engaging. They help us to learn new things, feels like we are not alone when we are listening and definitely helpful when the topic is something that resonates with us.

I have been listening to a wide range of topics and just still trying to figure out which ones I want to inculcate as a habit. I have seen people advocate podcasts as a effective helping tool. There are couple podcasts as well where a couple takes up relatable topics and provide the view of both sides which can get quite exciting when conversation is honest and stimulating. I have never succeeded in reading self help books, ever. However, I have noticed that I can sit through a self help podcast which is a small win for me so that is also one of the areas I want to venture into.

Best thing about podcasts is that you don’t even need to typecast yourself, you can listen to anything that pleases you. It has been suggested that they can be immensely enlightening, if we choose the correct ones. It amazes me that they were invented in 2004 and I am only getting hooked in 2021! Am I getting old? Hmmm, that’s a topic for another day.

I am really looking for good podcasts suggestions, please help a girl out!

Flip side of the coin!

5/100

It was just yesterday that I mentioned how we are missing the voices that can do so much to amplify the resources and influence the people in correct direction. Today, let’s flip the coin and see it’s other side.

On the other side we have people who do voice their opinion and are also helping to amplify the resources in best way possible. Here, there are some who are doing the good work with no opinions or additional comments. A simple amplification of needs and the supplies. While there are some who are using their voice to criticize the wrong doings and also to amplify the needs. There could be multiple reasons why someone would be motivated to voice their critical opinion without fear, maybe they cannot stay shut seeing all the suffering, maybe they have been affected personally by it or maybe they thought that we live in a democratic country which allows freedom of speech. If you watch from afar, yes India is a democratic country where we can speak our mind, the closer you dig into it, the more deviation from democracy will be visible.

We are allowed to be democratic until we do not say something that shows badly on our government. It is just a larger version of what happens in indian households where fights or problems are not spoken of publicly and we all portray like we are a happy family because “log kya kahenge” (what will others think of us). Similarly, our government is concerned that what will the world think reading these critical things about them. They are apparantly okay with world seeing 3.5L cases a day (actually could be more severe in number) or so many people dying daily but not with someone saying they did a bad job. One recent example of how India is a conditional democracy (which is a paradox) is how 50+ tweets of different individuals were deleted by twitter. Some suggest they were deleted because they created panic, some suggest it was because they were critical, some suggest they were deleted as information was false. I wonder if those who have speculated incorrectly will face a deletion or a ban too? If the tweets were wrong, why was there no correction done for same? Why were the people not told what went wrong? How is deletion an answer? This is an effective suppression of a voice you don’t like. Oh and government has made themselves legally capable of doing this so there is nothing illegal about what happened.

In a gist, is it a democracy if there are acts and sections in place which can either suppress your voice or cause legal harm to you?

Where is my discount?

This post is about something I have learned only sometime ago (probably thanks to the man I am dating) and want to share it, as it might help others.

When we shop, we look for great deals, amazing discounts, bulk offers etc etc. A sale makes me as happy as the next person. But even otherwise, when you shop from a brand and there is no available discount you either buy the product as is or don’t. You don’t insist on a discount. Why? It’s a “brand” and that is not how it works. Meaning, we pay them as much as they demand. All of our bargaining and discount skills are instead used when we shop from small local vendors or in vegetable market. We demand price be reduced from people who probably earn less than us, all the while paying in full (very happily) to people who are already rich. Do you see the error in our ways? I am in no way suggesting that those small stores are not putting a huge margin, they expect us to bargain and they have the cost added up to it. We all know that. However, we also know the fair cost and sometimes (just for the kick) we argue for a further reduction. I, personally, am guilty of insisting on getting a better deal on an already nice offer. What’s worse? All this with people who barely make minimum wage, I did not know better and I do now. I believe it is okay to pay 100-200 bucks more to people. It mighy make a huge difference to them, even when the product is not actually worth that much. Be kind, the feeling makes up for the small cost.

The last part of this post will be something which is very obvious, this is not a personal learning but just a mention that this should not be done. There are many small business who are literally a team of two or three and sometimes even one person who is putting in all the efforts, to help you with end product of your choice. This could be a retail product or service that they provide. Their work needs appreciation as it is very tiring and self made. When you are considering dealing with such businesses, do not ghost them. You don’t want it, you must communicate and leave. It makes no sense to give them the notion of being interested and then ghosting them. Evil!

Be kind, tip big, don’t bargain to the point where it is silly and communicate your intentions. It is not that difficult.

Don’t should on yourself!

When someone is anxious, in distress, worried or just down, our first instinct is to want to help them. While the intention is noble, if we do it in the wrong way we might just be ruining it further. I am someone who is still learning how exactly can we help others or even ourselves in the correct way when having a bad mental health day or a week, because it is not the same for all. The entire internet is filled with slogans, videos, tweets telling you what you SHOULD do to fix what you feel. Even writing that sentence seemed wrong on so many levels. I could understand placing a “should” when you are talking of a black and white situation. Mental health is not black and white. It is big blob of grey or maybe blue (haha, get it?). Not all humans react to mental health help in same way, which is why we have professionals. These professionals have said we don’t know everything about our brain yet and mental health is evolving everyday. Yet, there are some people around us who will say “snap yourself out of it”. I suggest you snap them out of your life, for sometime atleast. While snapping out might have worked for some, it might not work on others. Nothing ever has to be “SHOULD”, even more so when you are not at your full capacity. Making it compulsory by adding a should we might just be adding to the stress. Hence, the title. I heard it on a random podcast and it is now my favorite line ever!!

Our body and mind don’t have to work the same way daily, ask yourself what you are capable of doing, on such days especially, and do not push it. Your mind is asking for a day off, allow it. It’s that time you need to show yourself some love. Do what works for you, whether it is as lame as watching garbage tv or as profound as journaling.

You do you!

PS: Watching garbage tv is the best! 10/10 I recommend.

Let’s talk screentime!

I have recently watched “the social dilemma” on netflix and I am shook. If you have not seen it yet, please let it be what you watch next. You won’t regret it. We all know we are addicted to our phone, literal slaves to it but to learn how we got to this point is really something that stunned me. Personally, I am addicted to twitter more than any other social app. I am not on facebook, the other two apps I use a lot are Whatsapp and Instagram. Even with just these, my screen time is scary.

As funny as the meme comparing instagram to refrigerator is, it is but the truth and a harsh one at that. The constant need to check phone for notifications every 20 minutes or for some even sooner is downright addiction. One could understand if this was when you are awaiting a reply, however most of the times we are checking our phones for no reason and somehow yet, we always have a notification! Now, why we have a notification everytime we check is something the movie explains. I am clearly not telling anything we don’t already know, the real deal is what can we do about this? I have conciously cut down my time on instagram and my daily average still shows at 58minutes which seems like a lot to me. However, with no where to go (thanks covid) I guess that is the best average I can hope for. But this was my struggle with just one app. I have notifications on for twitter and I am checking tweets every hour, I am on whatsapp a lot more than what we call as ideal time and now I have a new friend called YouTube which is hard to resist.

How exactly are we suppose to go “notification off” suddenly? The need to stay updated and know what is going on supercedes everything else. How to resist this temptation and not be a “user”? I am really open to suggestions here, every little thing might help. Personally this is what I have been following for sometime now as opposed to keeping the notifications off:

• Keep phone on silent without the vibration mode except for calls

• Keep phone at a distance where every notification pop up is not visible

• Subscribe to news letters which carry daily news updates and read those instead of having notifications on for every single tweet

• Explore activities which do not involve looking at screen, example some of these for me are painting, cooking, dancing and reading.

These might sound very basic and I am yet to know if it helps but I am looking forward to getting more suggestions, if any?

Leaving you with a quote from Elon Musk which I find very interesting, “AI doesn’t have to be evil to destroy humanity – if AI has a goal and humanity just happens to come in the way, it will destroy humanity as a matter of course without even thinking about it, no hard feelings”