How to cope?

25/100

I was really excited for today’s blog, simply because I have completed a quarter portion of my 100 day target and I felt happy about it. Sadly, life happened and this might not a very happy post.

How to cope with repetitive disappointment? From a person, a job or just a situation. If all I get is regular disappointment, is it not right to move away from it? Even if we love and care about the person or thing so much, is it worth sticking around and keep getting disappointed? If the answer is to move away, how to cope from loss? And if the answer is to stick around and give more chances or make more attempts, then too the question is same, how to cope with sadness? Personally, I believe the answer is to be self sufficient, not to keep any expectations and not to give anyone or anything the power to disappoint. This clashes with another inner thought that is such an existence, of not having expectations from other beings, a fulfilling one? If you don’t touch hearts and people or things don’t touch your hearts, what is the greater purpose? So, once heart is involved, expectations are only natural.

Sadly, all I have are questions or internal clashes. I just hope if this disappointment gets toxic, I have the strength to move away.

I have been Queer Eyed!

20/100

I have been a lover of this show called QUEER EYE since FOREVER and it gives me so many feels when I see it! Today, all day we binged QUEER EYE while working and my love for this show has somehow increased which I didn’t know was a possibility. I continuously have this huge smile or happy tears when I am watching this show, I do “YASS GIRL” so many times I could give you a headache. Not even kidding. This show embraces learning and positivity in such an endearing way, you cannot help but feel so good.

They cover people’s struggles and show how one can learn so much from it. We must accept each part of ourselves, the good, the bad and the ugly. It makes us who we are. Oh and we are all so stunning! No matter how much the society or your own family has dragged you down, or your own thoughts are your demons, you deserve happiness. In abundance. Just look for it with open arms and most importantly, learn to show yourself love. One of the best parts about the show (as per me) is how they pick common people, like you and me, and make us the star of our lives and the show. Well, it’s so obvious really. We are the rockstars and heroes of our own lives and we deserve that attention and happiness. If you use movie as a metaphor for your life, be the badass main lead and pamper yourself for being so amazing. Yes, we falter. That is what makes this movie a hit, how you get over it and do better from there on. How you enjoy the ups and survive the downs. Rememeber that if you are experiencing the down, it’s not the end, hold on tight as the happiness will come to you.

You don’t need to do something extraordinary to deserve the happiness and love. Your struggles are defined by you and so are your victories. The best and the most relevant validation you can receive is from your ownself. Be a winner in your eyes. I wish we all had friends in our lives like those five superheros on the show which showed us how we are amazing and made us love ourselves in such a beautiful manner. The entire process is heart warming and to watch people win against their inner struggles is the kind of content that is the need of the hour in these tough times. Ah, I cannot stop fangirling over the show. If there is one thing you need to start watching is this show. Thank me later for the recommendation 🙂

If you had to choose a movie to describe your life, which would it be? Mine would be a mix of Ye Jawaani Hai Deewani, Dead Poets Society and Inside Out.

Mighty mighty strong!

15/100

What is strength, really? Who would you call strong?

I have been wondering about this a lot lately and came to a conclusion that I must pen down my thoughts which might give me some semblance or it might just confuse me more as it does more often than not. So, who could be termed as strong? We are way past the notion that it comes from just physical strength. Yes, physically active and well-built people are strong but only when accompanied by mental strength. Honestly, you need to be mentally strong to achieve physical strength too. For me, strength is an attribute I correlate with courage, endurance and bravery. A person who can do anything which I am scared of or I am incapable of doing is a strong person to me. My mom can cook meal for a dozen people without creating a fuss alongwith managing her job, a friend treks huge mountains almost every weekend, an acquaintance is staying alone abroad to build her career, and these are all very strong people to me. Very common examples but examples of ample strength. There has always been a lot of stereotyping around strength. Do we have to battle something to be categorized as strong? Maybe or maybe not. Isn’t every battle very subjective and personal? Definitely. What is a battle for some, could be a cakewalk for you. Foolish to generalize what can be categorized as strong. Plus won’t we always have that one person who thinks we are not strong enough, no matter what? Bahhh, so many right? Standing in a balcony of a flat on sixth storey requires strength for someone with vertigo and personally for me, presenting anything to an audience alone is scary and I feel very strong everytime I accomplish that. For introverts, even talking to people is everyday battle that they fight and win (hopelessly optimistic, effort is also a win). Every person who has the courage to love and commit is strong, even more so if they have had a bad experience in past. We are all surrounded by strength by way of amazing and strong people all around us. Yet, what do most of us choose to see? The triviality of the thing done, the lack of something that as per us is missing in it and oh my favorite, how we think they could have done it better. People around us lack tolerance and everyone battling their personal battles bears the brunt of it which makes one doubt their strength.

There are two other things that I believe need to be addressed. First, people’s obsession with wanting others to conquer their fears. What is the deal with that? Sure, if someone wants to do it we can motivate them. But people terming someone as pussy (don’t even get me started on how wrong the usage of the word in this context is!) because they won’t do something out of fear is downright intruding, impolite and unwanted. Someone being scared of something does not make them weak, it just means they love their life and don’t want to risk it. Respect their choice, it is literally basic etiquettes. Motivating someone is different from forcing someone or peer pressurizing them, understand the difference and know when to stop. Secondly, another misconception, which is thankfully fading away, is how a certain pedestal needs to be attained to be termed as strong. Who decides this please? Who is distributing the titles? Where is this panel sitting? Who told them they can decide? Who made them the jury? What are the parameters? Who agreed to them being parameters? Self proclaimed judgemental crap, that’s all it is. Whoever these people are, I hope you read this and know that every time I have managed to successfully carry off heels for a day, I have felt immensely strong and I can very well show my lack of tolerance by crushing your opinions under my heels should you choose to tell me otherwise!!!!

This is something I wrote long time ago and really needed to revisit because of something I am going through. Thought it to be worth a read for others as well. Whoever is reading this, you are mighty strong and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise 🙂

Podcasts

7/100

I think I am a little late to the party but how amazing are podcasts? I have only started listening to a few of them recently and it is engaging. They help us to learn new things, feels like we are not alone when we are listening and definitely helpful when the topic is something that resonates with us.

I have been listening to a wide range of topics and just still trying to figure out which ones I want to inculcate as a habit. I have seen people advocate podcasts as a effective helping tool. There are couple podcasts as well where a couple takes up relatable topics and provide the view of both sides which can get quite exciting when conversation is honest and stimulating. I have never succeeded in reading self help books, ever. However, I have noticed that I can sit through a self help podcast which is a small win for me so that is also one of the areas I want to venture into.

Best thing about podcasts is that you don’t even need to typecast yourself, you can listen to anything that pleases you. It has been suggested that they can be immensely enlightening, if we choose the correct ones. It amazes me that they were invented in 2004 and I am only getting hooked in 2021! Am I getting old? Hmmm, that’s a topic for another day.

I am really looking for good podcasts suggestions, please help a girl out!

Stating the obvious!

I keep saying this out in the universe, what are we going to do about men? We need to do something and we need to do it as soon as possible. The entire MANkind overall is pretty lame and the issues they cause are pretty irritating. I am not even talking about the grave ones right now. The little petty things like unwanted advise, entitlement without cause and just evident patronizing are downright annoying.

What I am particularly stating in this post is how men think whatever women do is for them. How self consumed can one be? Women have literally moved on from pleasing men, and talking about those who were doing so earlier. There are many women who have never cared and are yet told by men how something they have done or not done is bothering them. Oh and how they can do it better. A man who has never held a brush before telling a woman who earns by doing makeup that “she is over doing it”. A man who has never worn a saree telling a woman who does fashion that “this saree is not correctly draped”. I just want to ask men, do you know how utterly foolish you seem when you are “blessing” women with these comments? If you guys do it thinking you are teaching women something, then situation is far worse than I’d like and the only way you guys can save some dignity is by shutting up. Consider it, just don’t opine until asked.

Look now, amongst us women we have bad apples too but easy to ignore one or two. How to ignore men in such huge numbers? The worse thing to have happened is internet being given to men who have an opinion on things they have no clue about.

Lastly, Dear Men, you don’t run the world, women don’t do things for you and we don’t need you to survive. Thank you.

Let’s talk screentime!

I have recently watched “the social dilemma” on netflix and I am shook. If you have not seen it yet, please let it be what you watch next. You won’t regret it. We all know we are addicted to our phone, literal slaves to it but to learn how we got to this point is really something that stunned me. Personally, I am addicted to twitter more than any other social app. I am not on facebook, the other two apps I use a lot are Whatsapp and Instagram. Even with just these, my screen time is scary.

As funny as the meme comparing instagram to refrigerator is, it is but the truth and a harsh one at that. The constant need to check phone for notifications every 20 minutes or for some even sooner is downright addiction. One could understand if this was when you are awaiting a reply, however most of the times we are checking our phones for no reason and somehow yet, we always have a notification! Now, why we have a notification everytime we check is something the movie explains. I am clearly not telling anything we don’t already know, the real deal is what can we do about this? I have conciously cut down my time on instagram and my daily average still shows at 58minutes which seems like a lot to me. However, with no where to go (thanks covid) I guess that is the best average I can hope for. But this was my struggle with just one app. I have notifications on for twitter and I am checking tweets every hour, I am on whatsapp a lot more than what we call as ideal time and now I have a new friend called YouTube which is hard to resist.

How exactly are we suppose to go “notification off” suddenly? The need to stay updated and know what is going on supercedes everything else. How to resist this temptation and not be a “user”? I am really open to suggestions here, every little thing might help. Personally this is what I have been following for sometime now as opposed to keeping the notifications off:

• Keep phone on silent without the vibration mode except for calls

• Keep phone at a distance where every notification pop up is not visible

• Subscribe to news letters which carry daily news updates and read those instead of having notifications on for every single tweet

• Explore activities which do not involve looking at screen, example some of these for me are painting, cooking, dancing and reading.

These might sound very basic and I am yet to know if it helps but I am looking forward to getting more suggestions, if any?

Leaving you with a quote from Elon Musk which I find very interesting, “AI doesn’t have to be evil to destroy humanity – if AI has a goal and humanity just happens to come in the way, it will destroy humanity as a matter of course without even thinking about it, no hard feelings”