It’s month end!!

97/100

Before I dive into the topic, I have to say what I keep saying “adulting is so hard”. Where is the pause button on this adulting business? Need one everytime I have to plan my finances. I am not a big spender so not like I have to control anything but adulting, in general, is expensive. Feel me yet?

I want to start with a very happy and cherished memory. I am very close to my grandma, like very. My mom worked as a teacher (she is now retired) so I was brought up by my grand mom too. I anyway think my mom is a super mom because I never ever felt like she was not there at any point in my childhood. But, my mom is not a gossiper! She hates being nosy and always allowed me to share what I wanted. This was not the case with my grandma. She wanted all details, which friend is doing what, who said what to whom. Everything. So naturally, I shared a lot with her. I still do. As a retired RO herself, once she is done with newspaper and daily tv, she still needs real life gossip. So yes, since I was so close to my grandmom, when I grew old enough to get pocket money, it was she who I asked. As she was aware of where I might spend it, it was easy to ask her. Not that my dad would have asked me where I am spending, he is a big spender himself so would have been easier to ask him. Anyway, so considering the free yet disciplined upbringing I had, grandma decided I’d get 1000 bucks to start with. I was really small and really had no use except for buying presents for someone I love. So, I started to save it apart from general expense or if I went on any outing. No one asked me to save it, I did that on my own. I remember my grandma teasing me that since I have saved it, there is no need for more money until that’s spent and me crying to mom, announcing how it was unfair. Words like “it’s my right to receive” were used. It made everyone laugh and obviously the money kept coming in. It increased as I went to college and soon after college, I got my first job. My dear old grandma suggested that now she does not need to pay me, to say I was heartbroken is an understatement. Sure, I will earn but how can she stop giving me the pocket money? It had a sentimental value for me. I think she must have seen how hurt I was when my face fell so she said she will continue. I was happy again. Even though I was earning, I don’t think I understood adulting. All the bills at home, even my rail pass (since he got his own, he used to get mine too) was something my parents were taking care of. All I did was bought occasional gifts or ordered monthly ration for home. That too sometimes. Pocket money continued. It has only stopped sometime ago as my grandma said, “you need to give me pocket money now”. Like she would ever need my money! Even now, on birthdays, festivals and just like that too sometimes, they gift me in cash. I never say no, I love getting that. As I said, it has a sentimental value for me. From getting phone from parents to buying phone got them, the roles reversed. But what has not changed is that they are older to me so I still must get gifts from them (being the youngest in the house)!

Cut to now, when I am almost adulting (not really still). Paying all bills, get groceries, it’s all clear on what being independent actually means. When you sit at month end or start to manage the finances, it is a big task. Also the one I really hate. As I said, I like saving. So even checking the options on where to save is so tedious and needs such constant monitoring. Earlier my mom did all the bank work for me, even when I insisted she let me. She said she has more time than me so it’s only logical she helped me, it was true too. I hate monitoring markets, I have a agent who does so for me. I wish there was an agent to manage the bills too! I am already dreading the next salary credit because I will need to sort what goes where!

What’s your idea of financial independence and do you like managing your finances? Looking for tips!

What not to say?!

33/100

I don’t generally want to comment on what is best for someone who is depressed or anxious. Every person is different and they have their own way of dealing with things. What works for me might not work for someone else. Same way, what worked with one person you know will not necessarily work with someone else. Infact from what I have read, two depressive episodes are also different from each other and we cannot rely on same things to work the second time. While it is super important to speak to people about mental health and care about betterment of people we love, it does not have to coincide with unsolicited advise. There are some clear DO NOT DO which everyone should be aware of. These are not only applicable to people who are depressed or anxious, but also to anyone who is upset or feeling low. Anyone who is sad should not have to hear these things. As per personal experience, these are very hurtful and even triggering in some cases.

Do not say/do these things to anyone who is sad, depressed or anxious:

  • Anything that negates or minimizes their feelingsinvalidation is the most common thing people do indirectly or directly. What a person is going through ia best known to them, do not say or do anything that suggests their feelings are not valid
  • Dismiss the signs – there are numerous changes that can be spotted in someone’s behavior when they are depressed, do not dismiss it thinking it is a phase. It does not always heal with time.
  • Making it about yourself – this is again a very common mistake and something people do not intend to do but end up doing. When someone is expressing their feelings, never make it about yourself in any manner. The focal point should always be the person who is suffering.
  • Comparing it to others – Never suggest that they are going through something someone else had and force them to follow someone else’s model. It is a very subjective case for people, even if the scenario appears same to you no two brains work same.
  • Anything apathetic – It is better to not speak to someone who is depressed than to express apathy. More likely than not, a depressed person already feels burdened and apathy can only add to it. It can make them feel unloved which is the exact opposite of how they should be feeling.
  • Asking them to snap out of it – depression is not something that can be snapped out of. Do not ask people to shake off the sadness, cheer up, be happy. They want to but are unable to, us saying it will not make it happen.
  • Forcing them to try – while it is understandable that you want someone you love to recover, us forcing them to try harder will not yield the desired results. Adding pressure is not helpful in anyway to someone who is depressed.
  • “There are bigger problems” – BIG NO! Do not tell them that their reason or problem is small. They know there are bigger problems in world, for them their problem is so consuming that it does not allow them to step into any other avenue. This will only make them feel worse.
  • You are only thinking about yourself” – that is the problem, sherlock! They cannot get out of the loop which makes them sad. If you suggest or say anything that shows they are selfish, you are effectively adding to the problem.

We all know that depression is a mental health condition and we must never forget that when speaking to someone who has it. Just like you cannot say “snap out of it” to a cancer patient, it cannot be suggested to a depressed person either. So do not suggest anything that you would not to a physically ill person. Listen to these people who are going through issues, give them your time, ask them how you can help, make them feel like they have someone to bank on. Only they can get themselves out of the problem completely, you have to only be there in any capacity they require. Do not try to be a therapist, that is a professional’s job. Be a friend, loved one that you are and do things in that capacity.

Why do we have to adult?

24/100

The title is my constant complain and I might never stop complaining about it. I have spent most of the day today with kids and boy did I love it. No tension, no accountability, no responsibility, just pure unadulterated joy. By kids, I mean teenagers. So, adults but like not really adults. Just the ideal age, haha. In my teens, I was honestly just studying. I think the world now is more acceptable for teens and they have so many options of what they wish to choose as a career option. GenZ, as they are called, have an oasis in front of them. My millennial self is definitely jealous. I don’t think that one cannot choose after a certain age, some still can. All I am saying is, you have to be a little privileged to be able to leave all responsibilities and just choose an option that is risky. If you are running solo, with no one else dependent on you, then too you can change your career path and choose a risky option.

Covid has been both a blessing and a curse for students from what I know. I met a teenager in December, who told me more than half of her class is now self employed and doing some or the other small business pursuing their creative skills and passion. I found it very commendable. Let’s face it, education in school and college is good to have a degree but has no real help if you want to pursue something creative. Most of the life lessons are best learnt between lectures in schools and colleges, not so much in lectures.

Ah well, as I said all I did in my teens was study, study, study or read novels and watch tv. Even now, I do random stuff like dance alone, shoot beautiful nature and talk to my plants. That is what keeps me sane in this entire adulting scene. So kids and adults, it’s important to find your sane moment in this mad rushing world and if you know what keeps you sane or should I say what keeps you mad and pure like a kid, never stop doing it.