A piece of you please!

I am an only child. To top it, I was brought up mostly by my grandmother as both my parents were working. Since childhood, I loved being with myself. I was used to it. I still remember coming home from school, grandmom serving me lunch in her half sleepy state and then she dozed off while I had all the time to myself until my mother came in from her job in evening. I read, danced, watched tv, slept. I never missed someone’s company. I never wanted to visit a friend, I remember being upset if someone came in during those hours. Now, years later, I am struggling to find that time which is just mine to spend.

To clarify, I love living with the man I have married. Absolutely. He gives me as much space I want. He is not the problem, well technically no one here is a problem. It’s just that my parents miss me and his parents expect us to be around them and we both want to spend time with our friends too, mix that all and it is one messy dish called my life. Hah! Let’s go through my day in a gist. I wake up, have breakfast and either read or watch something before I start my work around noonish, we have lunch, we have dinner, I wrap up work, we chill for a bit, I read to sleep. If I look at it like that, I do have morning and night to be by myself but before marriage I had whole weekends too. Now? No, I do not have them to myself.

I don’t want to come out wrong, I love being with my family and his family but I miss my day of lying in bed ALL DAY ALONE DOING NOTHING. Call it unproductive but oh was that fun! I miss it so much. I hate adulting. No one warned me that adulting will involve answering so many calls. Ugh. I just want to be a kid that no one bothers or pays attention to. No one has huge expectations and you don’t hurt anyone. Just study, be a good kid and they will let you be by yourself. I work hard, I am a fairly okay person too I guess and yet, no one lets me be by myself now.

Ah, people have grave problems and I am just sulking for some time to waste. Maybe I still am a kid that way!

It’s January!

It’s my favorite month! Yayyy! I love January, I do think it is the best month. It is hardly to do with the fact that it is but my birth month. Maybe some part of it is related to the fact but majorly it is because January always feels so fresh. It indicates start of something new, we are all excited with high hopes and high spirits! Most importantly, I always have some trip planned during this time. That makes it my most favorite time of the year. That and ofcourse winter season. I mean, in bombay, we hardly feel cold but all the same I love it.

However, right now it is not cold and it breaks my heart that I have nothing planned, no trip in sight so far. It just makes me sad every now and then. I know there are bigger worries but a heart wants what it wants! Waking up anxious every morning even though I only fall asleep because I am tired of thinking and overthinking how this entire year could be a dud because of how it has started. There are some parts which are good but when what you love the most goes wrong, the other niceties just fade. You know what I mean? All I want is to not have my head so heavy and anxious all the time. It is starting to physically hurt.

Sometimes I think it is also because I expected this year to be extra special, every occasion of this year to be celebrated by doing what we like, doing what makes us happy. I hate celebrating my birthday, I do, which is why I always planned a trip and ran away to places where no one knows it’s my birthday. It served two purposes, I was traveling and no one around fussed about birthday. It was the only way I looked forward to my birthday, every year. Since last 6 to 7 years or maybe more. It was either that or I went to work where no one knows my birthday. That is the tradition. While 2021 is a small milestone for me personally, clearly universe has other plans. I dread each day as I get closer to my birthday about being forced to celebrate it. The anxiety is real and it makes me weep.

Ugh, this post is so sad, I hope I write again soon in this month itself and have something nicer to say. I really don’t want January to be like this. It sucks.

Let’s talk screentime!

I have recently watched “the social dilemma” on netflix and I am shook. If you have not seen it yet, please let it be what you watch next. You won’t regret it. We all know we are addicted to our phone, literal slaves to it but to learn how we got to this point is really something that stunned me. Personally, I am addicted to twitter more than any other social app. I am not on facebook, the other two apps I use a lot are Whatsapp and Instagram. Even with just these, my screen time is scary.

As funny as the meme comparing instagram to refrigerator is, it is but the truth and a harsh one at that. The constant need to check phone for notifications every 20 minutes or for some even sooner is downright addiction. One could understand if this was when you are awaiting a reply, however most of the times we are checking our phones for no reason and somehow yet, we always have a notification! Now, why we have a notification everytime we check is something the movie explains. I am clearly not telling anything we don’t already know, the real deal is what can we do about this? I have conciously cut down my time on instagram and my daily average still shows at 58minutes which seems like a lot to me. However, with no where to go (thanks covid) I guess that is the best average I can hope for. But this was my struggle with just one app. I have notifications on for twitter and I am checking tweets every hour, I am on whatsapp a lot more than what we call as ideal time and now I have a new friend called YouTube which is hard to resist.

How exactly are we suppose to go “notification off” suddenly? The need to stay updated and know what is going on supercedes everything else. How to resist this temptation and not be a “user”? I am really open to suggestions here, every little thing might help. Personally this is what I have been following for sometime now as opposed to keeping the notifications off:

• Keep phone on silent without the vibration mode except for calls

• Keep phone at a distance where every notification pop up is not visible

• Subscribe to news letters which carry daily news updates and read those instead of having notifications on for every single tweet

• Explore activities which do not involve looking at screen, example some of these for me are painting, cooking, dancing and reading.

These might sound very basic and I am yet to know if it helps but I am looking forward to getting more suggestions, if any?

Leaving you with a quote from Elon Musk which I find very interesting, “AI doesn’t have to be evil to destroy humanity – if AI has a goal and humanity just happens to come in the way, it will destroy humanity as a matter of course without even thinking about it, no hard feelings”