Cannot survive alone!

3/100

Can I start by saying that when I opened the blog post to write a new one I was so excited that I am doing a third one already, I MADE IT TO THREE!! However, as soon as I typed 3/100 I realized I have a LONG way to go still, it’s just three!

Anyway, what are your thoughts about meeting people and spending time with them? Friends, family or colleagues. I mean how does the prospect make you feel? For me it depends on situation, meeting immediate family and best/close friends is always a joyful event that I look upto but meeting distant relatives or colleagues just causes anxiety. To add to this, I think covid has changed something related to this aspect inside me. From looking forward to meeting people I love, now I yearn it. I know we keep in touch digitally and how it is the need of the hour to stay put at home but not being able to feel warmth of people we love, do baseless talks, jokes or just be in silence around friends and family is a joy that has been snatched due to covid. In bigger scheme of things, it is a very small price to pay for human life I agree but does not mean it hurts less.

I am particularly touchy about this today because a couple of friends who stay near us dropped in to say hello and I felt so nice. There was nothing out of the ordinary that happened, we just ate, chilled, joked and that’s that. Yet, it made me exceptionally happy that I saw another human, other than my husband (for him, I, anyway, am thankful but this just hit different bro). I know it will take a lot of time for things to get back to “normal”, we have been told this is the new “normal” but can universe just allow us these small joys every now and then without causing anyone any harm? Surely, that is not too much I ask.

Sky full of stars!

I have been reading Murakami’s books this month and if there is something that sticks to me significantly from his books is the way the characters talk to each other. The conversations are so stimulating, enlightening, deep and they tell us about what a person feels. You connect with character, empathize and understand it. I know it is fiction but won’t having those conversations with people we love really help us? We will be able to understand them and isn’t that what eventually each of us wants? To be understood. I am not saying what you talk needs to be dark or deep, it can be quirky, humorous, something you saw, something you read, something that stayed with you. A conversation where you share a piece of yourself with someone. Conversations can be about something that gives you sleepless nights or that one gesture you saw in a movie that you absolutely loved.

Not everyone can talk with clarity of feelings and thoughts, I know that. There are so many layers to this topic. There are people who don’t understand what they feel or their own thoughts, there are people who don’t care about their thoughts and just follow the herd, there are people who want to talk but are not good at it and there are also people who understand, can talk and want to do it but they don’t have anyone to talk to. This is so layered and I am pretty sure I have not covered it completely. Hah! How then should we expect to have these meaningful and stimulating conversations? I thought about my reason for not making these honest conversations as frequently, it is fear of being misunderstood or laughed at. I have shown love to people who are not kind, helped people who ended up belittling me and both of these were people I tried to have good conversations with. Weirds me out how when I thought of what has hurt me, these two instances came to my mind. In all honesty, I thought I had gotten over this and did not care about these people but writing this piece tells me that maybe the hurt is still there.

That brings me to my next point, writing is also a conversation. One that we have with ourself. It can reveal things which we have sub conciously burried, not necessarily sad thoughts, happy ones too. We must pen down our thoughts and spend time with them. Honest conversations can make you as happy, full and light at the same time as witnessing the golden hour on a mountain top. You will be left with a memory to revisit. I will end this with a quote I absolutely love.

Night air, good conversation, and a sky full of stars can heal almost any wound. ~ Beau Taplin

Walking into the new year!

Even if you are a remotely optimistic person, new year brings in hopes. Very hard not to fall for new beginnings, plan stuff, get organized and make the list to, somewhat, direct your life or year towards things you love. I try that each year, not very hard, but I try. This year, I am a little more motivated and enthusiastic towards it. I have a few targets in mind for this year. While some people like to talk about targets, visualize goals and put it out there, I am someone who likes to talk about things after they are done. Weird? Maybe. But it is what it is.

Why write this post if I am not going to visualize or spell it out? Because it has been almost two months and I am not entirely failing. I am happy about it. I am not succeeding yet but hey, small wins. Gotta enjoy them. So, I want document this trivial achievement of me not giving up. Things that have really kept me going are

  • Setting smaller goals
  • Showing love to myself and my body
  • Taking it slow
  • Trying to get into a routine
Even though I cannot talk about my goals, I have the perfect way to still track them and that is through the Belief jar. On my birthday in Jan end, I received a belief jar as a gift and I was SO happy. It is the cutest thing and came to me at the right time. I am going to manifest the things I want and that jar is going to be my source of happiness, positivity and motivation. I am completely surprised how much in love I am with it and how did my best friend know that it is what I needed.

Here’s hoping I will do complete justice to it and enjoy the process!

It’s like an end of an era!

Anyone who is a big fan of FRIENDS would have understood this reference. While Jennifer Anniston is my favorite actress, I really did not like the character of Rachel per say. I loved how Jennifer acted and could watch her scenes on repeat but Rachel? Nah. I think that is the reason when Monica decided to move in with Chandler and she tells Rachel about it which ends at this sentence “It’s like an end of an era!”, I did not really feel anything.

I was like, they are still going to hang together. She was not even moving anywhere far. But now, when I am stepping into something new I am very scared that I will fade out. Very very scared. I love my friends, A LOT! While I know adulting involves more and more responsibilities, changes are bound to happen. However, I don’t want anything to impact my friendship with them. So, I will be moving a little far from them physically and I naturally am scared that this would push me away emotionally too. Frankly, I have not been great at long distance relationships. Whether those were friendships or love affairs. It is not like I have lost those people, no. It is just not the same. While the distance is really not that much, COVID has just made it worse. I know I am always going to try my best to be as involved (or even more) as I am but there is something about change that nags at the back of my mind. It scares me that I have no idea how things will unfold.

I have always been scared of change to be honest, not in the way that I don’t like it but in the way that I don’t want to lose myself in that change. And well, I could never be complete without the presence of my loved ones. So it is really selfish if you think about it, I don’t want to lose them so that I can preserve myself!

Let me end on a quote by Joey, “There is no such thing as a Selfless Good Deed”. Do you agree with him? Do tell!