Private much!

92/100

In India, privacy is pretty much nonexistent for a lot of people because we stay in joint families and are brought up in a very inclusive environment where parents check in on everything we do. It has it’s pros and cons. While I come from a family where my parents gave me complete space after I started going to college, it is not the same for everyone. This topic was initiated by my partner so I told him to tell us his perspective as he was staying with his parents until 2020! Below is his take on same!

As stupid a question as it may sound, but – How many of you have had a room of your own when you were kids? Or how many of you currently have a space of your own? For me, I got my own personal space only this year. That’s when I bought a house of my own. Before that I lived with my parents (like almost every Indian family) in a one bedroom hall apartment. By no means was it sad or unfortunate as I have zero complains. The point I am trying to put forward here is that how important personal space is. As a child I never realised that, maybe because I was, in a way, benefitting from the situation since I didn’t have to do any sort of cleaning or organizing. It was all done by my parents. But as I grew up and visited friends who had their own space, I understood the importance of it. It’s like having your own little world where you can do whatever you like the way you like. Noone can take that away from you. You feel a sense of freedom even in that confined space. Paradox much. You can be your authentic self there. There you can express yourself in the best possible way. Not just that, it teaches you a lot of things. You learn to take responsibility of your own things, learn to live by yourself. A very real example of this would be me. I always used to sleep with my parents in the same room, but whenever I had to sleep alone it would be scary for me. It took a lot of time for me to overcome that fear. It made me dependent in a lot of ways I believe.

Apart from the learnings it also gives you a sense of satisfaction of knowing that there is a place you can call your own, that defines you. I can attest to this fact because I feel the exact same things now when I am living in my own house. The sense of satisfaction of seeing things in a way I would have always wanted to. A sense of belonging. Living in a space that resonates with who I am. I don’t think this is something that people would think can impact their minds but I truly believe having your own little place does have a positive impact in some or the other way for sure. For me it has had a big impact and that too a positive one.

Would love to know your thoughts on this. Do you prefer staying alone or with family?

43 thoughts on “Private much!

  1. Awesome and thought provoking post…well written!! I think both being alone and with family has their own benefits, it’s a paradox as most things are in life. When I was younger, I hated being alone but as I’ve gotten older I enjoy it more. I’ll always love my family time, not much is more special! Thanks again for this perfect post πŸ‘ŒπŸ»πŸ–€

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    • Yes indeed, a good paradox. Me being a lonely child, I had my room so I cannot relate to what my partner feels like but to be honest I need my space. I love family time but I want to have a private place to retire to at end of day. So glad you liked it, I feel you have striken the perfect balance of both πŸ™‚

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  2. I was 14 when I first got my own room. I have a den in my current home but everyone uses it to sleep, watch TV, borrow my computer, look for supplies… This is frustrating because they have their own spaces but I am resigned to it.

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    • Hahaha I am an only child so even I had my room since I was little much unlike my partner. So I can understand what you are feeling. Atleast these people using your den help you with blog material πŸ™‚

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  3. i am an only child. growing up i had my own room and as i became older, i could decorate and do pretty much what i wanted in my room. it was my space and rarely did my parents invade that space. since becoming an adult, having my own space has been much more limited. when i was in the navy i shared space, most times, with many and then when i was out of the navy, i had roommates, live in girlfriends and of course when married, a wife. it was only a very short time in my life did i live “alone.” i left home when i was 19 and never went back. i guess i much prefer a more intermate living arrangement than being with “family.”

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    • Ohhh. I am an only child too. I too have my own room much unlike my partner’s so I can relate to you more. Ofcourse I am yet to face the life ahead but essentially living with wife as opposed to living with wife and family, which is common in india, is really different. You can still have privacy when you are married as long as you don’t live in a joint family I guess?

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      • I like where I live now as I have lots of privacy even when outside which is good since I have a tendency of not wearing much if any clothes especially if it is hot. Lol. So living in India with others around might be difficult. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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  4. Wholeheartedly agree on this.I love it when I have my personal space and no one comes and checks on what I keep doing. It’s the time when I can introspect to the max or to just be!

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    • Atta girl! I literally feel the absolute same. I want my own space to function. I am happy with family but everyone needs their me time so retiring to my room at end of the day is the absolute best feeling πŸ™‚

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  5. Both ways of living come with their pros and cons…I like to live with family, but at the end of the day, I need my own space, where I can do what I want…that’s sooooo important…if I don’t get that, I start getting cranky πŸ˜›πŸ˜›

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    • Sameeeeee. I get so cranky if I am not left alone for sometime atleast. No matter how much the family understands you, people will have issues in your ways at some point so being alone is the best.

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  6. Adv. & Disadvantage will always be there. But, if we talk about today’s generation then being with parents is good at least until you get into college.
    And for the separate room, it’s a luxury not everyone can afford.
    PS, It depends from country to country. In western countries, children directly say to their parents “privacy please.”
    But, if we talk about Asian countries then damn- privacy? You’ll get a beat by your folks….

    I don’t have a personal room. Instead I’ve got a whole 1st floor. Anybody can get in or out.
    And, my parents don’t check my phone, bank statement & messages, which I consider a gem of a privacy. (They just say that, don’t hurt anyone or something related to that)

    Thanks for a wonderful post.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes indeed, not everyone can afford it. Also, parents should not be forced to provide the same. Growing up and buying one on your own is how one should approach this idea. Agreed, asian countries have a culture where child is a child all his life for parents. A whole floor? How cool is that!!! Thanks for sharing this experience and reading ❀

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  7. I have had a room of my own since I was 12. But I did have a very sheltered life. I got my job soon after college and I had to move to another city. I stayed with a roommate for nearly 2 years. Then she got married and I was on my own for nearly 2 years until I got married. Staying with parents has got its own set of merits and demerits. The same goes for staying alone. Staying alone was fun, except on the days when I was feeling sick.

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    • Oh wow. That’s pretty awesome. I have had my own space since I was a kid too and I too got the job after college but in same city. Plus I am an only child so parents wanted me to be around atleast. I have always wondered how staying alone would be like and it is immensely cool that you have done that too 😍

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  8. I am a little grown up kid and I never had a room of my own. I have asked my parents for it but they never agreed upon the fact that privacy was indeed important. They will always be like, ” What’s so secret in you life that you need a private space now?”.

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    • Everyone does not get it, some people prefer to not give kids privacy and some cannot afford to. I have always had my own room and my partner did not have it, it is okay either way. You can plan it once you are old enough πŸ™‚

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  9. A good question, Pooja. Until last February, I lived with family of some kind my whole life. First, with my family of origin, and then the family my ex wife and I created. I can say today, that I would not change any of it, and at the same time, am grateful for my win space today. Nice post, and thank you to you and your partner for sharing parts of your stories with us! πŸ€—

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    • Oh, how lovely to read about your life, dear Jeff! Thank you for sharing. I think both ways of living can be managed as long as one gets their own private time. Living with family is wonderful as long as they let you be a private persom too πŸ™‚ it is also nice to have people around us!

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  10. I think balance is the key, and being in a situation where you can choose either solitude or to be around other people. I’ve always been perfectly happy on my own in my own space but circumstances have conspired in such a way that I’ve spent maybe 90% of the last six months absolutely alone, without the choice of being around other people, and it’s tougher than I ever imagined it would be.

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    • I agree. I think this summarizes the entire thing. Being alone when we wish to be is the only thing we want. We want the ability to meet people, alone should not mean isolated, like you have been due to conditions. I hope you get to meet people you love and be with them, pretty soon. Hope you are safe and doing okay ❀

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  11. Well, I love my family and enjoy spending time with them, but for me it has always been important to have a lot of own space/time.
    After sharing rooms or flats with other people for years, decided to rent a flat by myself in November 2019, being 29.

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  12. What an interesting topic! Loved every bit of it. I’m 17 (almost 18) and still sleep in the same room as my grandma and little brother. Does that sound strange to you? Just want to know. How old were you when you started sleeping alone? It’s very common in India ( or Asia, must I say?). But as you said, it creates this certain dependency and gives us fear to sleep alone. I tried to sleep alone once and terribly failed. πŸ˜… Well, ghosts… Spirits…. I read your β€œghost” post just now πŸ€ͺ
    Even during a school trip abroad, I had friends staying with me in the room. Same thing when I visit relatives’ place. We have cousins. So it feels frightening with no one next to you.

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    • This is such an interesting topic, I’d say again. To answer the question, I prefer a family arrangement as family is very important. I’d love to be alone too, but not far from my loved ones. πŸ˜€πŸ’ž

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