Facade!

81/100

She was loved by all. Everyone wanted to be with her. She was vibrant in nature so the attraction made sense. Good company to be with. She never knew hurting others or so she thought. She wanted people to be happy. It made her happy to see others happy. But, making everyone happy is impossible. Only if she knew this. Instead, the one’s she couldn’t make happy thought of her as biased. Maybe it was true. There were a few she absolutely loved to see happy. Her heart soared high in happiness when she saw them happy. So she tried more for them. But in process some were ignored, never intentionally. Though not on purpose, people were hurt. Hearts grew apart. That’s when she felt the effect. The distance, the heartache. She felt it all. She didn’t know what went wrong. She could sense people drifting away. She tried stopping them, only separating the already distant hearts more. She was accused. She tried to explain, she failed. She tried to match up, she failed. Maybe trying too much was the problem. But she couldn’t help it. She never wanted this. It broke her. But there were those who still loved her. They supported her. She needed it. Seeing people who once loved her, who she loved, loathing her, blaming her wasn’t easy to live with. But then there were those who cared for her, genuinely. She treasured them. She could survive seeing them happy. She would be the way she is, for them. She just existed, pretending to live. Pretending for those who loved her. Pretending to be happy. She thought it was easier, easier than admitting that she was sad. That would require reasons and explanations, leading to more heartache. No. Pretending to be happy is easy. Yet sometimes, even now, the pretence fades, revealing the real her. She cries. Sometimes its okay to let the tears flow. They flow reliving those memories and with a lot of could-have-been scenarios. But she soon gets back to pretending as life with tears and what ifs and memories is not survivable. Sometimes she is actually happy. At those times, she hopes and wishes that maybe someday she’ll be so perfect at pretence that she might actually end up being happy forever.

Forever is a myth, if only she knew.

32 thoughts on “Facade!

  1. oh my, innocence lost…. but then is it? surely, she knows that her abundance rests within her heart… a heart that beats first for her and her alone if she so chooses…. she is never alone in this knowing… sure, things pass as people and the what is/has been arise and fade…. just as the sunsets sing their Ode and the catapillar becomes butterfly all worldly things do change… surely, she is knowing that it is her constancy of purpose that both attracts and repels… but like the beat of her heart
    it belongs to her and her alone…. but as horse is to water she too must decide to drink from it too…. 81 is ace 😊

    Liked by 2 people

      • 100 seems such a small step, no? although, as I of course – in that stereotyped He-Man way- said to myself… targets, pah!! I’ve said I’ll stop and that’s it no need to counting the days for me…. except, shhhhh, I have been through your 100 pst that’s a secret though… lol lol lol… a great journey and with a bit to go too… you can add smoking cessation coaching to your cv… lol

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hahahahaha. That’s so sweeeet. Shhhh, it’s a secret indeed! 100 does not seem small because I am scared I will exhaust all my words haha! 🙂 I think you should count how many days has it been since you din smoke…i think it’s around 50 or lil less!!! Which is superrrrb!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, I agree with everyone here, dear Pooja. This is a beautiful post, full of loss, love, awareness, regret, resilience, and much more. You’ve explained the human condition well, here, my dear friend. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Such a lovely lovely read! She deserves only love and no hate, for she seems like a goddess born in the wrong planet. Love your works! How is it writing everyday for 100 days? Very challenging, isn’t it? You’re doing a wonderful job stoically and that’s so impressive! 🤍🤍🤍

    Like

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