I am sure we have all mused about the fact that what would happen if we all spoke in complete honesty and discussed our raw thoughts. No filter. No sugar coating. Thoughts as they came. Would it be good or bad? I am sure it would be both in some ways. However, for all the times I have wondered whether what is being said to me is exactly what the person means, I’d really prefer raw thoughts. If truth ends up being harsh, it would hurt and I’d cry too maybe but I’d rather be hurt with truth than be pacified by a lie. I feel too much and I feel strongly so being hurt is not a new feeling. I’ll take my chances. Honesty is powerful. If you can leave somethings unsaid, that is fine. The only point I am making is whatever you say should be honest. If you think about it, honesty does not have to coincide with being rude. You can be honest in a non hurtful way as well, it takes efforts which most people would rather not put. I, personally, cannot bring myself to bring someone down or hurt them. My way of being honest is to tell them what I think (when it is something bad) in a constructive way along with what is nice and keep them motivated to try again.
Apart from being honest when asked something, we should also be honest about the general things we talk. When someone who cares asks us how we are, why do we respond saying something casual and not actually talk about how we are? Why are we scared of our actual thoughts and feelings? Let me start. If you asked me right now, how I am and you’d want my honest answer. I’d tell you, I am not okay. I am worried that I am being a bad daughter and neglecting my parents. They deserve so much better and so much more. I have the most non complaining parents who get happy with minimal efforts and sometimes I just do bare minimum and they are happy. I try to compensate but I hate myself when I don’t give them what they deserve. I have been meaning to do something big for my partner’s upcoming birthday but I have not yet figured it out completely. I am missing my best friends who I usually discuss these things with and they are all caught up in fighting their own fights at the moment and I cannot bring myself to bother them about this. I am super overworked and I want to tell my superiors that the allocation is just not fair at the moment but I am scared of that conversation. I have a strong feeling since months now that I am always there for people but when I need someone, I am usually alone mostly because I cannot demand that from people and I have not shared this with anyone. I just want to be alone for a couple of days, without anyone to talk to (unless I want to).
I am not okay and that’s okay but what’s not okay is that no one knows I am not okay. Your turn, how are you?