It is most likely that I will be sleeping sad tonight, tears and all. It is something too inconsequential, what I am crying about but does that matter at this point? No. In retrospect it might. Funny thing is that since I was a kid, I only believed or badly wanted one thing. Not sleeping upset or angry. Whatever has happened should be resolved before you sleep. End should be good. If something made me sad, I’d do something I knew would cheer me. If someone fought with me, I tried to fix it, if it was in my hands. I don’t remember what or why I thought so but I felt we must sleep with a good, non anxious and even happy mind. Atleast for things in our control. Who knows what tomorrow holds, day is over and it will be a new start the next day so why not end the day on a good note. I hated sleeping angry with my parents, it made me anxious. As I grew, my happy circle then included my friends. Now, I have lost that belief or I have just stopped trying to fix things. Adulting is complicated and too many things happen which are upsetting. Your circle broadens and so do your problems. I mean so does love but as I said even if I know that, right now it does not matter.
I wish to get back that belief, to sleep happy at night and forgive whatever shit happens. Because well, shit happens. No one will care about my belief more than me, so I need to take charge. I hope I do, as of now it seems too hard.