My first encounter!

50/100

I have been penning this post since almost a week now. It is exhausting and not fun to pen something like this. However, I do think we need to speak about these things for multiple reasons. Firstly, it let’s others, who might have faced same, know thats they are not alone. Secondly, it helps to get it out of system. I think I have shared this with my closed ones but very few people so this is something new for me too and I am not sure of the reaction I might get.

TW: flashing.

I have never written about something like this so I don’t know how it will turn out. I was 15 when someone flashed me for the first time. This was in person. It seems like a long ago and yet not that long ago. I was mostly home tutored as my mom is a teacher, however for language I took extra classes. It was really just 1km from my house if we took the short route with narrow lane and more with a longer main road. I was old enough to go alone, obviously. I took the shorter route, it is a residential area with houses on almost both side of the route. Just one lane had no houses on sides, it was a connector of sorts. Sometimes the extra class was during afternoon and essentially at that time people are sleeping so the roads are quieter than usual. Nothing strange, no alarms as I had gone at this time earlier as well. But one such day, as I was walking I felt someone walking behind me. Natural instincts told me it is not someone who is also just going somewhere but someone who is following me. I walked a bit faster to get out of that small lane with no houses, I did not turn back and just concentrated on getting away. Just as I was at the end of the lane and close to one of the houses, the guy screamed like he was hurt and needed some help. I turned. There he was, ready with his junk out and just standing. He had a smirk at his face. He was not moving, not coming towards me, not going back. Just standing and smirking with his junk out. I remember this as vividly as if it happened yesterday. The image does not fade. I was paralyzed, I had no idea I had been flashed. I had never seen a dick before and I was confused with what was happening. After 2 seconds, 2 minutes, I don’t know, I gathered myself and knocked on the nearest house. No one answered so I ran towards my class location which was maybe 200 meters from where he was. I don’t know if he followed me after it, my guess is no because he was already rubbing his thing when I had been jolted out of initial shock.

I reached my class, told them I did not feel well and would need someone to drop me back. I went home and my mom was away at her job, so was my dad. I was not about to make my grandma anxious so I told her it’s just dehydration due to heat. She believed me because I looked pale, dehydrated and sick. Once my mom was back, I told her the entire incident. She was shocked and also blamed herself for leaving me alone. She soothed me, she was my absolute supporter who did not doubt me for one minute. Once I was calmer and had stopped crying, she asked me if I would like to go back and check if it was someone local as he needed to be stopped. I took strength from my mom and said I will go with her and dad. We went and checked and asked around if anyone had seen someone at that time but could not locate the person. I never ever took that route again, no matter how late I was. Never that route.

I tried to check or ask why would anyone do something so gross but I was too young to understand so I did not get my answers until a couple of years later when I started reading up on it. This arouses some men. Fear, shock or whatever the look is on the victim’s face is arousing for the flasher. Ofcourse now I am aware of more horrendous crimes that are committed and how it is really a topic of concern everywhere. Unsolicited dickpick is something most women have received online. I wish I could say this was the last time my consent was violated. Sadly, no. My ass was grabbed at a railway station while I was walking towards the bridge. It was so crowded that when I turned to tell the person off, I did not even know who did it. There was a swarm of men and women both, who was I suppose to shout at? This too was not the last time something like this happened. However, I am not strong enough to share further details. I do remember them all. I want to forget them, I hope someday I will.

I am living a happy life, I am doing a lot better mentally now. It does not mean what happened was okay. It never will be. Some have it worse than me, I am still scared something worse could have happened. I wish there was an easier solution to this massive problem, there isn’t. However, I cannot deny the evolution that is coming. How aware people are now and it makes me hope for a bigger and brighter future πŸ™‚

Thank you for reading this, I am sorry if anything here hurts anyone or brings back any bad memories. That is never my intention!

46 thoughts on “My first encounter!

  1. I hate this for you, Pooja. I really do. Even I as a guy have experienced stuff similar to this. So much I can tell you but I’m not on here. So, just know it isn’t only females who experience this.

    These people do get aroused by it. And I think in some way they’re hoping the woman will be aroused too.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Yes, I know guys who have gone through something similar and even worse. It’s not just one gender. It’s bad. No matter what, consent is everything. Thank you so much for reading this πŸ™‚

      Liked by 4 people

  2. wow… I didn’t see this coming up as your 50/100…bosh, aside from the abhorrent event, if saying this isn’t to diminish what happened, you have captured, in your use of words, that moment here, now, live…. wow…. I was once grabbed by a man who tried to force himself on me when a lot younger.

    I fought like fuck and I too ran away, oddly I feel bad for having laid into him… but then…

    that’s some share… I in the shadow of your bravery, I salute your courage πŸ’œ

    Liked by 3 people

    • I wanted to make it count so I chose to be brave. Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so so sorry that it happened to you, we deserve to feel safe. I hope situation changes for people younger than us. So brave of you to fight back with him and to also share this here with me! You are just as brave 🀍

      Liked by 2 people

      • I felt bad because I did knock him to the flore and shamefully put the boot in too… violence by men is at world pandemic levels… it’s up to each and every man to own responsibility for this…

        Liked by 2 people

      • It’s okay, whatever you did was self defense. Don’t beat yourself over it. Yes, violence is a huge issue and only if men instrospected their actions, we all would feel tiny bit safer.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. So very brave of you to share this. And sadly, everyone reading will probably relate to this as almost every person has been witness to such perverts on the road sometime or the other. And it’s never forgotten. Just brushed under the carpet of our mind. Not visible. But very much there. πŸ˜”πŸ˜”

    Liked by 4 people

  4. I wish we lived in a world without evil! Without this particular kind of evil, at least! 😦 You are really brave for sharing this. Every time someone finds the strength to share what had hurt and/or still hurts them, the evil in the world seems a lot more powerless. I hope giving words to it has been therapeutic for you. More power to you!

    Liked by 7 people

    • Ahh if wishes were horses…but it’s okay, it’s sad to say that it made me stronger. No one deserves to go through this. I love how you have mentioned that evil becomes powerless when someone shares it, it made me feel happy. Thank you. Yes, I realized how vividly I still remembered it when I penned it and it definitely felt nice once I completed it. Like I was letting something cornered in my heart go away for good.

      Liked by 3 people

  5. ohhhh this is so disheartening and yet nothing new because we all face this … God knows how these monsters roam around the streets…. Reading this made my blood boil and heart sad ….
    But to look at the positive side you got a really supportive set of parents ❀❀

    Liked by 6 people

    • I am sorry it made you sad. It does make me angry still, now that I know how common these unconsented encounters are, it really bothers me. It holds the power to make even the most strong people feel powerless! I am hoping someone will be more aware reading this.

      Yes, my parents are the source of my strength and everything I am ❀ thank you so much.

      Liked by 3 people

  6. This does bring back bad memories but i guess by talking about it, by letting it all out we can somehow take away its power.

    Kudos to you on the 50! Such consistency!

    Liked by 4 people

    • I am sorry if it reminded you of something too sad. I can tell you, penning it down helped me so you can try that. Sharing or not is something you can decide for yourself. Whatever helps πŸ™‚

      Yay to 50! I hope I stay consistent 🀞

      Liked by 1 person

      • No please dont be sorry…this needs to be talked about. What is sad is how common this is.. i think almost every girl i know has experienced this in some way or the other..even guys

        Liked by 3 people

      • Absolutely!!! It being so common is what makes it the scariest!!! Like how are so many people getting away with it. Yes, guys are a victim of this too. I think they still do not share as much as girls do, that’s a added difficulty 😦

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Unfortunately, I’ve got a lot to say but I won’t or maybe I can’t . I admire your bravery. This is the words of millions . Many choose to speak for it and many don’t . I’m the one who says everyone deserves to be loved no matter what. But this is definitely not the case with ppl like them.
    Good to see the support of your parents and obviously more and more ppl are coming together for this ….

    Liked by 3 people

    • I am so sorry if this was difficult for you to read. Yes indeed, it’s not easy to speak out. I did not share this for a long time with anyone except my parents. So, I can understand if you don’t wish to speak out. It’s completely alright. Yes, some people cannot be healed with love. They need to pay attention to their mental health and get the required help. I get my strength from my parents, I am glad they were there for me.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I love your words …….
        But there’s always hope ahead. We can see few changes. There are ppl for us when we go through hard times….
        Okay, I don’t know why but it’s difficult for me to talk on this topic. I get to see the face of many victims and even culprits while talking about this….. But I can’t continue like this.
        I wish and I hope I will do best whenever I can for when I see someone like this ……

        Liked by 1 person

  8. So sorry you had go through that. I believe you. In a country like ours, things could have been much worse. I don’t dare to roam in unknown streets late in the evening if I’m alone.
    I don’t know why some men can’t keep it in their pants or keep their hands to themselves. I was traveling in a crowded metro once and somone groped me. I kept moving to try to get out of reach but there wasn’t any room. This guy wouldn’t move his hand at all. And when I turned back, he removed his hand that I was not even sure it was him. He was dressed impeccably in a suit and looked very innocent. I hate it when they do that. They do something horrendous and act as if they have done nothing wrong. Since I was doubtful, I didn’t speak up at that time. I guess I was in too much shock. After I turned my head back, he groped me again and this time I sent an elbow punch in his direction. It must have hurt because he didn’t grope me again. One of the good things about covid is that due to the restrictions, I don’t have to come across any such morons. Talk about a blessing in disguise.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I am so sorry. It’s really astonishing that every woman has one such story. Thank you for sharing yours with me. The men who do this cannot be categorized as men who look a certain way…the one who groped me was perhaps just a 20 smthng and the one who did this to you was suited so definitely mature. There is no category, it can be anyone at anytime and that is scary. I am so glad you got over your initial shock and elbowed him, that should have set him straight. Not everyone gets over the initial shock. Many people suggest we must learn self defense but what when you are paralyzed at that time? It’s difficult to anticipate how will one react. You are super inspiring to me for how you handled this πŸ™‚

      Liked by 3 people

      • Every woman has a story like this. Maybe even multiple stories. They are an embarrassment to the entire community of men. I was repulsed and enraged that he was doing something like that. I think my rage is what overcame the fear. There’s no excuse for doing such a thing intentionally. You’re right – self-defense seems like an essential tool but presence of mind is also required. This wasn’t the first instance. I’ve also been a victim to being followed, catcalls, nasty looks especially during my college days when I used to walk. Many of those times I didn’t react because I was alone and there was no crowd. I think everything boils up to a certain point where you just explode. Whenever anything like this happened, I used to vent out through blog posts. But over the years, by some luck the incidents have reduced. Maybe it’s because I don’t walk anymore. But even when I’m driving, I come across males who drive in a certain defensive/annoying manner. Things like not giving space to overtake, driving in a manner to threaten me and so on. It used to freak me out when I was just learning but now I can hold my own even against such MCPs. Why, oh why, are not women granted the respect and position that they deserve. I hate discrimination on the basis of gender. Moments like those make me question if it’s really the 21st century.

        Liked by 3 people

      • Oh yes. Catcalling or photographing women without consent, trying to scare them, it’s all so common. Men behave like they are entitled to behave this way. This needs to be solved at root levels. I can only hope the newer generations are more responsible than this. Oh men on road is whole another issue. They patronize women even generally but on road they take it to another level, I feel you. For women, this war of feminism is age old and will still take ages at the pace we are moving. From being called angry girls, arrogant to feminazis, men can use any excuse to diminish the actual movement. Only if they knew feminism is much more than just women’s right, its a choice for everyone. Sigh.

        Liked by 3 people

      • I know! They think women are just objects and they can do whatever they want. They get some sadistic pleasure in oppressing us. Patronizing, mansplaining, on and on goes the list. Oh yes, most people don’t know the meaning of feminism and they consider it to be some kind of extremist movement against men. I hope that things start changing for the better soon.

        Liked by 3 people

  9. Really… Some scars, never go. Pale… However hard we try. But you shared, mostly don’t… Yeah you wrestling through out. At that time unaware. It had been haunting… Whom to blame.. Thoughts! Don’t think much.. Let it fed away

    Liked by 1 person

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