I have been penning this post since almost a week now. It is exhausting and not fun to pen something like this. However, I do think we need to speak about these things for multiple reasons. Firstly, it let’s others, who might have faced same, know thats they are not alone. Secondly, it helps to get it out of system. I think I have shared this with my closed ones but very few people so this is something new for me too and I am not sure of the reaction I might get.
I have never written about something like this so I don’t know how it will turn out. I was 15 when someone flashed me for the first time. This was in person. It seems like a long ago and yet not that long ago. I was mostly home tutored as my mom is a teacher, however for language I took extra classes. It was really just 1km from my house if we took the short route with narrow lane and more with a longer main road. I was old enough to go alone, obviously. I took the shorter route, it is a residential area with houses on almost both side of the route. Just one lane had no houses on sides, it was a connector of sorts. Sometimes the extra class was during afternoon and essentially at that time people are sleeping so the roads are quieter than usual. Nothing strange, no alarms as I had gone at this time earlier as well. But one such day, as I was walking I felt someone walking behind me. Natural instincts told me it is not someone who is also just going somewhere but someone who is following me. I walked a bit faster to get out of that small lane with no houses, I did not turn back and just concentrated on getting away. Just as I was at the end of the lane and close to one of the houses, the guy screamed like he was hurt and needed some help. I turned. There he was, ready with his junk out and just standing. He had a smirk at his face. He was not moving, not coming towards me, not going back. Just standing and smirking with his junk out. I remember this as vividly as if it happened yesterday. The image does not fade. I was paralyzed, I had no idea I had been flashed. I had never seen a dick before and I was confused with what was happening. After 2 seconds, 2 minutes, I don’t know, I gathered myself and knocked on the nearest house. No one answered so I ran towards my class location which was maybe 200 meters from where he was. I don’t know if he followed me after it, my guess is no because he was already rubbing his thing when I had been jolted out of initial shock.
I reached my class, told them I did not feel well and would need someone to drop me back. I went home and my mom was away at her job, so was my dad. I was not about to make my grandma anxious so I told her it’s just dehydration due to heat. She believed me because I looked pale, dehydrated and sick. Once my mom was back, I told her the entire incident. She was shocked and also blamed herself for leaving me alone. She soothed me, she was my absolute supporter who did not doubt me for one minute. Once I was calmer and had stopped crying, she asked me if I would like to go back and check if it was someone local as he needed to be stopped. I took strength from my mom and said I will go with her and dad. We went and checked and asked around if anyone had seen someone at that time but could not locate the person. I never ever took that route again, no matter how late I was. Never that route.
I tried to check or ask why would anyone do something so gross but I was too young to understand so I did not get my answers until a couple of years later when I started reading up on it. This arouses some men. Fear, shock or whatever the look is on the victim’s face is arousing for the flasher. Ofcourse now I am aware of more horrendous crimes that are committed and how it is really a topic of concern everywhere. Unsolicited dickpick is something most women have received online. I wish I could say this was the last time my consent was violated. Sadly, no. My ass was grabbed at a railway station while I was walking towards the bridge. It was so crowded that when I turned to tell the person off, I did not even know who did it. There was a swarm of men and women both, who was I suppose to shout at? This too was not the last time something like this happened. However, I am not strong enough to share further details. I do remember them all. I want to forget them, I hope someday I will.
I am living a happy life, I am doing a lot better mentally now. It does not mean what happened was okay. It never will be. Some have it worse than me, I am still scared something worse could have happened. I wish there was an easier solution to this massive problem, there isn’t. However, I cannot deny the evolution that is coming. How aware people are now and it makes me hope for a bigger and brighter future 🙂
Thank you for reading this, I am sorry if anything here hurts anyone or brings back any bad memories. That is never my intention!