I survive!

32/100

There is a thought. Sad, bad, mad thought. A thought I don’t want to think, and of course that is what makes it absolutely irrestible to come unbidding to me at strangest of times and makes me feel foulest of feelings! Oh, there is a group of them. Now I tried to Google what a group of thoughts is called, it is just thoughts I suppose. So lame, why did I google it? Anyway, that is not what I wanted to talk about. Ya so, why does that happen? This thinking of what we don’t want to think? Why is urge for wrong so strong? The worst part is that I can’t share these thoughts. Some of them, the recurring one especially, is so stupid and sad a thought that I don’t want it to even materialize and take a form, even as a sentence shared. It is a sad thought. It has the power to let a tear escape from my eye if I dwell on it for even 5 minutes. So I don’t think of it, I deny giving it any importance. Absolutely deny giving anyone of them the time of day. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a happy person with happy thoughts. But we all have Achilles heel right? Now I don’t know if this thought is something that could ruin me but it does seem like that at the moment. It might be my Achilles heel. But it isn’t. Yep. My antidote is denial. I deny having thought it, I deny it exists! I have been doing just that, for long now. It works, most of the times. I deal with it. My way might be wrong or right, who cares? There’s always someone who is going to find a flaw in a thing you did and someone else who loved that same thing to bits. So you can’t be right to everyone. And you know what I have realized? That I am strong. I mean if I can deal with this shit with such maturity then I am strong right? Sure, there are those other times, when these thoughts come, showing their ugly head and drain away everything nice. I cry, I give in, I fight, I ignore. And most importantly, I survive. While on other days I live, on such bad days I survive. I survive so I can live on the other days. Guess that is what growing up means yeah? Oh well..

9 thoughts on “I survive!

  1. If you have frnds like thesupermode, then you stronger than anyone, you are strong, I want to learn psychology to understand these thoughts, I really want to. Hmm, a quote on that by Nizar Qabbani, which I found on twitter, “the most dangerous heart disease is strong memory”. Hope I didn’t deviate from the river here, 💁

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sending you much love, whatever you fight with!

    There’s a technique called noting (learned by using meditation/mindfulness app).
    You don’t have to follow the thought or feeling, just notice it came to you, and let it go.
    Because we’re not our thoughts or feelings. We can choose how we react (or not react at all).
    Of course it’s hard sometimes…

    Hope that you find your way to deal with the hardships ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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