Small wins!

40/100

I have heard so many people preach celebrating small wins but in reality, so many of us undermine our own efforts and small wins. We have been brought up in such a competitive environment that we forget to account for personal wins. Our real competition and growth is vs our ownself. One such win for me is that I made rotis (indian bread) on my own and they turned out pretty edible and good for my first try. I got off early from work so decided to cook the meal myself with help of my partner. We made chicken cooked in delicious sauces and veggies alongside rotis. A very wholesome meal, taste was ordinary but all the efforts put in made it really special for me.

Each day we learn something, so let today be about winning something. Think about your small moment of win or personal growth in recent times and spare a small moment to celebrate the same. It does not have to be anything big nor does the celebration need to be grand, just a small acknowledgement of it and a whole lot of gratitude around it. Do share your small wins here so that I can be a small part of it and feel happy too 🙂

Consequences!

39/100

Let me start by saying, I feel world would be a better place if people started thinking about the consequences their actions might have. Especially, when the actions are negative. I mean, if we are doing anything positive, we know it will be well received as it has pure intentions. Umm, what about the negative. It always has severe and varied consequences. If you shouted at someome, if you were rude to someone, if you trolled someone, if you were mean, if you were ignorant, if you were being frank…etcetera. it is bound to hurt, sooner or later. Whether it was intentional or not, does not matter at a later stage because the consequences are real. Your “unintentional” action has hurtful consequences. If everyone tried to preempt that, I think our lives would be invariably better.

I don’t think anyone can understand being impulsive or instinctive better than me. My impulse actions have also created some issues, which I apologize and learn from. So, I know it can happen that you have no pause to think of consequences. However, people who act negative without worrying about consequences repeatedly really bother me. It’s almost like they don’t care about anything except doing what they want to do. It makes me wonder, do these bad deeds ever sit on their conscience and makes them worry about their actions? Or do they have no remorse whatsoever? I am clueless about such existence. I have seen it but I have never understood.

Think about the amount of hurt that will be reduced if we paused and reflected that our reaction or action can hurt or negatively affect someone. It is a mix of empathy and self inspection. You worry about others and also care about your own actions. While on one side some say that all your bad Karma is getting accounted, on other side we have people who don’t believe in Karma at all. If not for worry of others then atleast to be in good books of universe, one must always reflect before and after their actions.

Language of love!

38/10

Did you understand from the title what this is about? It’s music, ofcourse. For me to write on music would not be fair because I am very adaptable and can adjust to (almost) anything someone plays. But I live with a music lover and I really love to understand different perspectives so I asked him to pen his thoughts on music. Here it goes.

MUSIC!! One word unlimited emotions..A language that doesn’t need to be understood, it’s just about the feeling..I dont think there is a language as universal as this..I am sure music means different things to different people but I will talk about what it means to me..

I don’t think a single blog can do justice to how I feel about music but I let’s see where this goes. Like most Indians I guess I grew up listening to bollywood music and I don’t really have much memory of anything I loved specifically back then. It was just a part of every movie we watched and not something that I listened because I liked. I discovered music when I got my first cell phone after passing my 10th grade. That’s when we used to have these 64mb cards which could only fit in 12-15 songs at max.

The first artist/band that ruled my playlist was Linkin Park..A very close friend introduced me to their music and I just got hooked on to it. To be fair I hardly understood the meaning of the lyrics back then, it was more about the musicality and the feel.. But now I do realise how powerful it was. The lead singer Chester Benington poured his heart out in those songs. His pain, his anger, his anxiety everything was there. It was an outlet of sorts for him. Sadly he is no more but his songs made him immortal and still love them.

After Linkin Park I just went crazy. I just would listen to anything that sounded and felt good. Language, genre, mood – didnot matter. As long as it felt good to the ears and heart it was my jam and that has helped me discover some amazing music.

But how and where does music help. For me it’s like meditation or even therapy. Listening to the right songs at the right time just makes everything feel pleasant. I would listen to music when I am working in office or traveling or just sitting and doing nothing. I never was or never have been a dancer but put on my jam and I can go crazy (in literal sense). I don’t think there can be a life for me without music. It helps me fill those small gaps and keeps me going.

My music related bucket list –
1) I really and badly want to see coldplay perform live
2) Wanted to see Linkin park perform live but that’s just a dream now
3) Want to be a part of Tomorrowland atleast once

I have a ton more to write but that’s it for today. Do let me know in comments how music helps you, who your favorite artists are or what’s on your bucket list. Would love to explore new music with everyone here.

That stubborn kind!

Have you ever come across a person who never admits his mistake? Like the mistake seems apparent to every one except that person. They distract you by talking about anything but the mistake. Finding excuses of why the mistake happened (lame ones included) and stating them, in a way, as if that relieves him off the burden of doing the mistake. On rare occasions they cannot refuse the mistake, they find another issue with someone else and try to distract you with it. Oh, when you try to correct them, they laugh as if mocking you (too irritating, too too!!!). Also, they state their mistakes as a matter of pride or a joke to others (totally beyond me). How do deal with such a person? I put in my honest efforts to not get irritated, to not snap even after consistent attempts of provocation but there is only so much I can control. I try not to react or speak immediately and explain when things are calm but it’s all very consuming. It sucks all the energy out. Sometimes there is no other way left but to be stern and I hate talking down on people so that sits on my mind for so long. If there is a better way, please suggest.

Hit me in the feels!

36/100

F.R.I.E.N.D.S REUNION

I am writing this teary eyed because we just finished watching the reunion episode and OH. MY. GOD. I am that fan who is happy to just see the cast back together, I get all happy even watching their interviews. So this was ultra special. It made me smile, it warmed my heart, it made me laugh till I cried and it made me cry at the end too. It did what the show does to me. I have seen all seasons so many times and still cannot get enough. It always makes me laugh and this reunion showed me how these people were on set and it really makes sense. Their chemistry was evident in the episodes but to see so much love and adoring just hit me in the feels. What made me sad was when Courtney says that we won’t be doing this again in next 15 years and I just felt so sad! They have been my favorites when I was sad, when I was happy, when I was bored and literally everytime. I’d never say NO to watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. The times we discuss and go back to show even when we are just talking with our friends shows how relatable the characters are. Oh and the guests on the show!!!! I don’t want to spoil it for people reading but OMG. I am so going to watch it again super soon. I will sleep happy tonight thanks to this wonderful show.

It is lovely how this simple show based on a group of friends in NYC has touched hearts of people across the world. Love from India.

Which F.R.I.E.N.D.S character do you relate most to?

The other way!

35/100

“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference” – Robert Frost

You choose a path, a path that will lead you to your destination. A path you willingly walk, for you want to reach at the end. That path, you aren’t expected to waver from, retreat from. Some get the right destination and path in one shot, some struggle along the way and also reach the destination albeit a little later, some change the destination, some change the path. Is that path worth the walk if the end isn’t desirable anymore? Is it not okay to leave the path then? Why is a person forced to still continue on that path? Is it just because he is already midway? Or a new path and a new destination is a risk he can’t afford? Or is it that if he leaves this path midway, he’ll be labelled a failure at everything? To err is humane, right? One can err in choosing their destination! Then why is he judged, labelled, consoled, rebuked, looked down upon, lectured for it? Sometimes even forced in the disguise of inspiration to continue on the path, nevermind where his heart lies.
If a person still changes the destination, inspite of the opposition from closed ones, he’s under a constant observation. Almost like a specimen. His moves are tracked, he’s constantly reminded of his failure, of the lost opportunity, of his decision. At the time when he’s unsure and in need of support, he’s talked against it, discouraged to do it. He would might as well become a gossip. A topic to chat in free time, a topic of debate. If he succeeds, life is good, ofcourse he’ll be still reminded at intervals about the path he left un-trodden. And if the success is delayed, he is simply degraded with cruelty. Why? Come to think of it, the right to question him, should only be reserved with his family. Because they are a part of his journey and they’ll support him eventually. They’ll advice him against it at start because they too are unsure, but come around nonetheless. But he is answerable to no one else. When has that stopped people from poking their nose where it does not belong. Anyway, who can function isolated? Once you are born, you are a part of this society for good. It’s mandatory. You will be subjected to judgements and questions, nevermind the fact that your decision affects them in no way. You’ll have to face the inevitable barrage of ‘I TOLD YOU SOs’. How can people sometimes be so materialistic, heartless and judgmental amazes and disgusts me in equal proportions.

I know the mentality of people about education is changing but the pace is so slow that something as simple as letting people follow their heart and passion might need another evolution.
I’ve seen someone very close go through this. He has succeeded and made everyone proud but the path wasn’t easy. The sole purpose to write this is to let people know that it’s okay to be confused, okay to be wrong sometimes. Allow them a chance. Don’t be too harsh, you might lose something valuable in forcing your views. I’ll leave you’ll with a brood-worthy question ‘what is success to you?’

About the fun people I have met!

34/100

Today I plan to write about three amazing humans I met on my trips around India. They all are still and will always be in my thoughts, even though I cannot reach out to them.

Braveheart!

She works part time as a guide for Kumbhalgarh fort and knows more about it’s rich culture than we do. She was just 12 when she met me, aces at what she does, competes with people twice her age and still manages it all with an infectious smile. She goes to school, helps her mom, loves clicking pictures and snapchat is her favorite app. She is not privileged and yet there were no complaints from her, while we are so privileged but we cannot stop cribbing. There is so much to learn from this little bundle of joy ⭐. If you are able to read this, know that you are privileged and let’s not be defensive about it the next time someone points it out 🌸

Love in a picture

Meet Laaki, a police officer working for Gangtok Police. I met her at a restaurant in Lachen where she was taking a break after a day full of duty. She has a small son and he is all she ever spoke about. That and how much she missed him when she had to be on duty. She practically showed me every picture of her son available in her phone, each with a fond memory. Her husband looks after the kid when she has to be on duty and she said it’s quite natural that he’d do it as that’s what she’d do, had the case been reversed. I don’t think she realizes how amazing her attitude is. She has seven sisters (yep, I made the north east seven sister joke too) and all of them are independent. More power to people like her 🌸. BTW, at karaoke and drinks, she’ll put you to shame 💯

Fluffball

“Why do you need one day to celebrate womanhood? Women are great everyday” they say.
“Why leave even one chance to praise the amazing women we know?” I say.

Today is nothing special, but still felt like stepping away from my usual posts and sharing the picture of this cute girl I met at a monastery in Sikkim. She is really the reason I decided to do this entire post. She is a tiny human who couldn’t understand my language or interact much but was a curious soul guiding/protecting/teaching her little brother all the time. Oh, how she climbed a rough terrain with ease made me rethink my life choices for real 🌸🌸 Isn’t she the cutest fluffball? ⭐

Thank you for reading, leave me with a story in comment. Story of a person you randomly met and found them amazing. Allow me to relive the experience with you 🙂

What not to say?!

33/100

I don’t generally want to comment on what is best for someone who is depressed or anxious. Every person is different and they have their own way of dealing with things. What works for me might not work for someone else. Same way, what worked with one person you know will not necessarily work with someone else. Infact from what I have read, two depressive episodes are also different from each other and we cannot rely on same things to work the second time. While it is super important to speak to people about mental health and care about betterment of people we love, it does not have to coincide with unsolicited advise. There are some clear DO NOT DO which everyone should be aware of. These are not only applicable to people who are depressed or anxious, but also to anyone who is upset or feeling low. Anyone who is sad should not have to hear these things. As per personal experience, these are very hurtful and even triggering in some cases.

Do not say/do these things to anyone who is sad, depressed or anxious:

  • Anything that negates or minimizes their feelingsinvalidation is the most common thing people do indirectly or directly. What a person is going through ia best known to them, do not say or do anything that suggests their feelings are not valid
  • Dismiss the signs – there are numerous changes that can be spotted in someone’s behavior when they are depressed, do not dismiss it thinking it is a phase. It does not always heal with time.
  • Making it about yourself – this is again a very common mistake and something people do not intend to do but end up doing. When someone is expressing their feelings, never make it about yourself in any manner. The focal point should always be the person who is suffering.
  • Comparing it to others – Never suggest that they are going through something someone else had and force them to follow someone else’s model. It is a very subjective case for people, even if the scenario appears same to you no two brains work same.
  • Anything apathetic – It is better to not speak to someone who is depressed than to express apathy. More likely than not, a depressed person already feels burdened and apathy can only add to it. It can make them feel unloved which is the exact opposite of how they should be feeling.
  • Asking them to snap out of it – depression is not something that can be snapped out of. Do not ask people to shake off the sadness, cheer up, be happy. They want to but are unable to, us saying it will not make it happen.
  • Forcing them to try – while it is understandable that you want someone you love to recover, us forcing them to try harder will not yield the desired results. Adding pressure is not helpful in anyway to someone who is depressed.
  • “There are bigger problems” – BIG NO! Do not tell them that their reason or problem is small. They know there are bigger problems in world, for them their problem is so consuming that it does not allow them to step into any other avenue. This will only make them feel worse.
  • You are only thinking about yourself” – that is the problem, sherlock! They cannot get out of the loop which makes them sad. If you suggest or say anything that shows they are selfish, you are effectively adding to the problem.

We all know that depression is a mental health condition and we must never forget that when speaking to someone who has it. Just like you cannot say “snap out of it” to a cancer patient, it cannot be suggested to a depressed person either. So do not suggest anything that you would not to a physically ill person. Listen to these people who are going through issues, give them your time, ask them how you can help, make them feel like they have someone to bank on. Only they can get themselves out of the problem completely, you have to only be there in any capacity they require. Do not try to be a therapist, that is a professional’s job. Be a friend, loved one that you are and do things in that capacity.

I survive!

32/100

There is a thought. Sad, bad, mad thought. A thought I don’t want to think, and of course that is what makes it absolutely irrestible to come unbidding to me at strangest of times and makes me feel foulest of feelings! Oh, there is a group of them. Now I tried to Google what a group of thoughts is called, it is just thoughts I suppose. So lame, why did I google it? Anyway, that is not what I wanted to talk about. Ya so, why does that happen? This thinking of what we don’t want to think? Why is urge for wrong so strong? The worst part is that I can’t share these thoughts. Some of them, the recurring one especially, is so stupid and sad a thought that I don’t want it to even materialize and take a form, even as a sentence shared. It is a sad thought. It has the power to let a tear escape from my eye if I dwell on it for even 5 minutes. So I don’t think of it, I deny giving it any importance. Absolutely deny giving anyone of them the time of day. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a happy person with happy thoughts. But we all have Achilles heel right? Now I don’t know if this thought is something that could ruin me but it does seem like that at the moment. It might be my Achilles heel. But it isn’t. Yep. My antidote is denial. I deny having thought it, I deny it exists! I have been doing just that, for long now. It works, most of the times. I deal with it. My way might be wrong or right, who cares? There’s always someone who is going to find a flaw in a thing you did and someone else who loved that same thing to bits. So you can’t be right to everyone. And you know what I have realized? That I am strong. I mean if I can deal with this shit with such maturity then I am strong right? Sure, there are those other times, when these thoughts come, showing their ugly head and drain away everything nice. I cry, I give in, I fight, I ignore. And most importantly, I survive. While on other days I live, on such bad days I survive. I survive so I can live on the other days. Guess that is what growing up means yeah? Oh well..

Friends like family!

31/100

I was watching a movie some days ago and in it someone said “friends that we make during our school and college days are the ones that know you truly, the ones that make the most impact”. It might seem like a generic statement to some, for me it is very true. I made the best friends during my school and college days and they have been a big part of my life even after it. They are more like family now.

It’s true that they are the family I chose and there is nothing I wouldn’t do if anyone of them needed it. However, corona and adulting has made it so hard to meet them and it sometimes aches physically how much I miss them. I start going into flashback and reliving the happiest memories I have with them. Even the memories where we fought, were sad are so special. Because we were together. It’s such a luxury now. I wish it was simple like getting in a cab and going to meet them. I would go meet them without second thoughts! Alas, we need to be safe and home. So all I have right now with me is memories. I never cared about the google feature until recently. Now I check everything it shows and even share it with my friends so we can talk about those fond memories. When we met, we were literally jabbering or doing mindless things. We have made such beautiful memories, my heart warms up looking at how far we have come. I have been lucky to have met such strong, beautiful and smart people and never ever thought they will become an inseparable part of my life. You can call me a show off but my friends really are amazing humans and I’d trade them for nothing and noone.

Jeez, I am a fangirl of my friends I guess. I wish there was a guide book to advise how to not let adulting come in way of friendship. Sigh.