Only if one remembers to turn on the light!

9/100

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light

Albus Dumbledore

As my blog url reads, a rainbow in someone’s cloud, this post is about the light that I found in this dark time around us. Okay, let me first share what I wrote here and then deleted it. “It might not seem much to you people but this achievement means a big win for me, personally”. Why do we do this so often? Undermine our own achievements! I am glad I have called myself out and I resolve to work on this going forward.

So now, the thing I am so happy and proud of is I LEARNED TO HOOLA HOOP!!! Yayyyy!

Happy picture!

I kept on doing it until I cracked it, I did not give up. I learnt it on my own. Wooooh! I hurt myself so many times learning this, it kept falling. I started with hooping it for 2 secs and now 5 mins is my personal best time. Aaaaahhh! Things are grim and I am constantly finding things to keep myself motivated and to try and be productive, which was also the reason for my 100 days challenge! I am hoping to start doing more things that help me learn and grow, one small win at a time. I am not rushing anything, I will let things come to me organically. There is no compulsion that one HAS TO BE PRODUCTIVE. It is most important to be in a good mental space and to see what helps you achieve that. For me, it is hoola hooping. For someone else, it could dance and so on and so forth. Find what makes you happy and do that. It could take time, it could seem like a task but we all got to try!

The need to feel loved!

8/100

I am sure I have penned on similar topic earlier as well as this is one of the constant struggles I face and even something I am sensitive about.

Isn’t it weird that even though we know we are loved by our closed ones but we still need to feel loved? I am not entirely sure, if it is a want or a need. I am hoping I am not alone that struggles with this. Yes, it is amazing to have people who love you, knowing that they love you. It is a blessing. However, it’s only human nature to expect that feeling to be validated once in a while.

I don’t think it is the big fat gestures that do the deed, it is the genuine admission of love when least expected, it is making someone feel like they are a part of your life, involving them in those small things you do, sharing mundane thoughts that cross your head with them. It’s all this for me. People who yearn to feel loved always make others feel loved, isn’t it? However, the major disbalance occurs when the person who does this is taken for granted and there is nothing from the other side. People want you to believe that they love you and yet there will be no effort from their end towards the same, it is really hard to stick around then. You just need to hang on to the words that there is love. It is only when there is a revolt that they will rush to prove that they love you too, that is neither fair nor is it love. It is just the need for that person to continue showering love on you that is making you do this.

If you genuinely consider this human need to feel loved, it also stems from lack of self love. I don’t think this is true entirely, but to major extent it does seem correct. It is said that if you love yourself, you will not need others to show you love. While I agree that we can be happy if we love ourselves, I would still say we need other humans, their love and support. Self love is important as it is the only thing which will push you to know when must you step up and leave. It is that love for your own being which will help you place yourself over others.

It is so bitter to have to choose to either love yourself or love someone else as the two cannot coexist due to lack of efforts from the other side and if you are facing that choice between yourself and someone, are you loved by that someone and do you love yourself if you choose to stay?

Podcasts

7/100

I think I am a little late to the party but how amazing are podcasts? I have only started listening to a few of them recently and it is engaging. They help us to learn new things, feels like we are not alone when we are listening and definitely helpful when the topic is something that resonates with us.

I have been listening to a wide range of topics and just still trying to figure out which ones I want to inculcate as a habit. I have seen people advocate podcasts as a effective helping tool. There are couple podcasts as well where a couple takes up relatable topics and provide the view of both sides which can get quite exciting when conversation is honest and stimulating. I have never succeeded in reading self help books, ever. However, I have noticed that I can sit through a self help podcast which is a small win for me so that is also one of the areas I want to venture into.

Best thing about podcasts is that you don’t even need to typecast yourself, you can listen to anything that pleases you. It has been suggested that they can be immensely enlightening, if we choose the correct ones. It amazes me that they were invented in 2004 and I am only getting hooked in 2021! Am I getting old? Hmmm, that’s a topic for another day.

I am really looking for good podcasts suggestions, please help a girl out!

You are what you think!

6/100

It’s been a tough week and there is so much negativity around us due to covid. Anxiety and other impacts on mental health are more prominent now than they were earlier. I don’t think our generation has ever seen these many deaths and the condition of deaths is such that we cannot be around people to console them either. I think that is the worst part, not having anyone around for support.

Yesterday I was watching “Taare zameen par” and was reminded of the story of Solomon Islands. This story was first mentioned in the book “biology of life” and while there is no scientific fact behind the story, it does make one think and ofcourse the villagers stand by it. For those who do not know, the story says that in Solomon Islands if they want wood from the tree that is too big or thick which makes it impossible for them to cut, then the villagers gather around the tree and curse it, for 30 days, and eventually the tree wilts and dies. Lots of trees are cut daily around the world and yet this practice stands out. To brutally put it, while other trees are murdered this one is forced to commit a suicide. So it all really brings us to buddha’s saying “you are what you think”. If any living being is forced to think or believe they are worst and reminded of it everyday, it is only natural to start believing it.

It is a very scary yet an important story. What my personal takeaway from it is that when things go south, it is very important to be your own judge and believe in yourself. Seek people who support your energy, do things you love and just remember that there is a lot more to life than what others think of you. Life should be led with your own perspective as base. This does not mean ignore feedback or go on being wrong, it means it is okay to introspect but that should not lead to overthinking and over analyzing. Overthinking is the pathway to anxiety and we would not want to be anxious. Choose happiness, even when it is the most hard thing to do, choose it. Current scenario has showed us how tough things can get, count your blessings and be grateful for the comforts we have. Remember that you were in a better position than most when pandemic hit and use this as a motivating factor to lead your life, shunning away the negative thoughts that are stopping you from moving ahead.

Breathe and smile, it is a luxury these days too, breathe.

Flip side of the coin!

5/100

It was just yesterday that I mentioned how we are missing the voices that can do so much to amplify the resources and influence the people in correct direction. Today, let’s flip the coin and see it’s other side.

On the other side we have people who do voice their opinion and are also helping to amplify the resources in best way possible. Here, there are some who are doing the good work with no opinions or additional comments. A simple amplification of needs and the supplies. While there are some who are using their voice to criticize the wrong doings and also to amplify the needs. There could be multiple reasons why someone would be motivated to voice their critical opinion without fear, maybe they cannot stay shut seeing all the suffering, maybe they have been affected personally by it or maybe they thought that we live in a democratic country which allows freedom of speech. If you watch from afar, yes India is a democratic country where we can speak our mind, the closer you dig into it, the more deviation from democracy will be visible.

We are allowed to be democratic until we do not say something that shows badly on our government. It is just a larger version of what happens in indian households where fights or problems are not spoken of publicly and we all portray like we are a happy family because “log kya kahenge” (what will others think of us). Similarly, our government is concerned that what will the world think reading these critical things about them. They are apparantly okay with world seeing 3.5L cases a day (actually could be more severe in number) or so many people dying daily but not with someone saying they did a bad job. One recent example of how India is a conditional democracy (which is a paradox) is how 50+ tweets of different individuals were deleted by twitter. Some suggest they were deleted because they created panic, some suggest it was because they were critical, some suggest they were deleted as information was false. I wonder if those who have speculated incorrectly will face a deletion or a ban too? If the tweets were wrong, why was there no correction done for same? Why were the people not told what went wrong? How is deletion an answer? This is an effective suppression of a voice you don’t like. Oh and government has made themselves legally capable of doing this so there is nothing illegal about what happened.

In a gist, is it a democracy if there are acts and sections in place which can either suppress your voice or cause legal harm to you?

To the good people I know!

4/100

““The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” ― Edmund Burke

I am no one to define a good or a bad person, however we will all agree that there come some scenarios where this distinction is as clear as black and white. There is no gray. So is it enough to be good? We did not do the bad deed, we are the good people. Is it okay to not stop the bad? The most common thing that I have seen good people do is “to do nothing at all”.

Personally, my blood boils when things are obviously wrong and I do my best to voice the same, correct people and help in anyway I can. However, I have seen so many people do or say nothing because there is no direct impact on them. The most common and relevant example for this is “apolitical” people. When this politics is killing people, you being apolitical is as good as helping facilitate those deaths. One of the few people I had just started looking upto as an influencer is “Beer Biceps”, Ranveer Allahbadia and was harshly reminded how we should choose our heros wisely. He recently tweeted that a person’s political opinion should not matter to opine about that person and then went on to suggest he is apolitical and that his ideology is “Don’t complain if you cannot do something about it” and he advised how he has brought change. So, homeless people should not complain because they cannot do anything about their poverty? Muslims should not complain because obviously their religion cannot be changed? What exactly does “don’t complain if you cannot change” mean here? To me, it only reeks of privilege where this person who has access to everything easily came to top and is now shitting on people beneath him. He is someone whom so many people look upto and he can use this to INFLUENCE people in the right way but hey, his job description says fitness so rest is not his responsibility. I am certain he flunked moral science class in school. This is exactly how the evil wins because the good people just sit back and watch the world burn.

This is just one example, right now tons of bollywood celebrities, rich people and basically the most privileged section of society is either running away, hiding or vacationing. Is it fair that they receive so much love from common people and when it is time to give back some of it? Is it fair that so many people are still saying or doing NOTHING to voice against problem makers?

To be extremely clear, not common man and not the influencers, no one should have to step up and assist someone who is dying or about to die because of covid. It’s someone else’s job. Common man is stepping up because authorities are NOT doing their job. When you see deaths around you and you have the power to make the difference but you choose to close your eyes because that’s convenient then you are letting the evil win and you are just as bad.

Cannot survive alone!

3/100

Can I start by saying that when I opened the blog post to write a new one I was so excited that I am doing a third one already, I MADE IT TO THREE!! However, as soon as I typed 3/100 I realized I have a LONG way to go still, it’s just three!

Anyway, what are your thoughts about meeting people and spending time with them? Friends, family or colleagues. I mean how does the prospect make you feel? For me it depends on situation, meeting immediate family and best/close friends is always a joyful event that I look upto but meeting distant relatives or colleagues just causes anxiety. To add to this, I think covid has changed something related to this aspect inside me. From looking forward to meeting people I love, now I yearn it. I know we keep in touch digitally and how it is the need of the hour to stay put at home but not being able to feel warmth of people we love, do baseless talks, jokes or just be in silence around friends and family is a joy that has been snatched due to covid. In bigger scheme of things, it is a very small price to pay for human life I agree but does not mean it hurts less.

I am particularly touchy about this today because a couple of friends who stay near us dropped in to say hello and I felt so nice. There was nothing out of the ordinary that happened, we just ate, chilled, joked and that’s that. Yet, it made me exceptionally happy that I saw another human, other than my husband (for him, I, anyway, am thankful but this just hit different bro). I know it will take a lot of time for things to get back to “normal”, we have been told this is the new “normal” but can universe just allow us these small joys every now and then without causing anyone any harm? Surely, that is not too much I ask.

Too close to home!

2/100

I have already been struggling looking at all the misery in India due to second wave of covid. Whilst am trying to help people, it is not systematic and sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. But you do what you can, so I am trying. What comes with it though is realizing how many people are suffering, how uncertain life is and how inadequate we, as country, are medically and structurally. While this is harrowing enough, things got too personal this evening. My friend’s mom is hospitalized and although she is doing better, the hospital has made us aware of shortage of one of the medicines she needs. Since then we have been trying to source this medicine with no luck. To imagine that a big portion of my country is going through this is simply terrifying.

There is no other thought in my head except that I need to help in everyway possible. If you heard my voice on call now, you would hear panic, hurt, fear and despair. I am scared and numb at same time. I am praying that my next lead pans out, praying she gets better. Lot of prayers and positivity for her. However, this is not how it is suppose to be for anyone. This thought is always there nagging at the back of my mind fighting with another thought that we cannot change what has already happened and we just need to work to fix the current situation.

While I continue this internal war, all I want is safety and health for my loved ones. Whoever reads this, please pray for health and safety of those affected.

It starts today!

1/100

I was really happy with the title of this blog post, considering it took a lot time to come up with something as basic as this, but now I think it seems rather ominous. A complete contrast to what I wanted this title to be. Serves me right for procrastinating writing this for so long.

So, coming back to point, what starts today?! *drum rolllll* My journey to blog for 100 days daily!!!! I got the inspiration to do this from my best friend (who got inspiration from one of my blogs so this is like our blogging coming to a full circle). I have been planning on this for ages now but I just kept delaying it for some or the other reason. Wondering what changed for me to finally start this? My head is full, thoughts are overflowing and I want to bring them out in a systematic manner.

Question : What’s better than conversing loud with myself for 100 days and hoping something amazing comes out of it? Answer : Lying on bed and staring at the ceiling questioning all the past and future life decisions. (Just being sarcastic, incase you missed it)

As I start on this VERY DIFFICULT task, my first and foremost fear is I will give up midway!!!! It will break my heart but I don’t think I am disciplined enough to do this. It won’t be the first time if I give up. It is also one of the reasons I want to reach the finish line for this one, to bring some discipline and routine in my life!!! Being in India right now is not exactly ideal and I am hoping this journey will help document my emotions and cope with them too. Oddly enough, I am more optimistic about this entire thing than I was when I started penning this post. So then I guess, it does start today!

Wish me luck, REALLY need it!