Last three days have been crazy busy. I have either been planning my activities for next week or worrying that nothing will work out. Crazy!!!! I really have no clue where this post will take me but I just want to talk about what happens when you procrastinate and it is not because of yourself!!!
I am a person who likes things planned and in place well in advance. My advance is a bit too much, I agree but it harms no one. Call me proactive, call me weirdo or call me a monster, I need things planned. When I was thinking more on why do I like that, I was also confused if we can call this behavior as “being a control freak”. Control freak? I hope not. My need for having things planned is to calm my nerves and anxiety that something could go wrong. It sucks, living like this. I can plan things which are in my control, which don’t involve someone else. How do I do this for an activity that involves other people? Not everyone feels the same way, some people decide it right at last moment, some a little in advance (i am jealous of the balance this group has) and some just don’t decide. How do I work around that? It sucks. Sadly, the trouble does not end there. I am also skeptical about thinking too much or discussing too much about it. Even that makes me nervous. So is there anything left which does not make me nervous? Penning this is making me realize I am a freak-show (hehe).
So, I had stopped penning down at that point and I am resuming again after some hours. I read it again and my view on myself (lol) is that I am this anxious because the things I am planning for mean too much to me and have the power to hurt me a lot. My anxiety is peaked because this matters the most. I need it to be right. Nervousness is bound to happen right? However, I need to do my best and then hope that things will fall in place. All this worrying sucks and makes me a wrecking ball. I want to have a clear head where I am enjoying the process rather than worrying about it. Starting now, I will try to make everything I do fun and a turn it into a good memory. Too many people I love care about this as much as me and they wish the best for me, I will remember this when I worry next.
PS: If you know someone who likes planning things in advance, please help them in every way you can. It means the world to them (and me).